Which SUPERHERO are YOU

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You are Iron Man

Iron Man 70% Supergirl 62% Wonder Woman 62% Spider-Man 60% Superman 60% Green Lantern 55% Robin 52% Catwoman 50% The Flash 50% Hulk 35% Batman 35%

Inventor. Businessman. Genius.

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Institution adoption: One month delay per 3 months there

http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_story/0,3566,242679,00.html

Dr. Jane Aronson is well versed in the health issues surrounding adoption. Through her New York City-based International Pediatric Health Services, she has spent the last 15 years of her life working with families who adopt internationally.

There were two factors that served as catalysts for Dr Aronson’s avocation. First, her pediatric training included a specialty in infectious diseases. As she puts it, "I always had a real hunger for international health issues."

Couple that with the fact that Dr Aronson began practicing in the 80s and 90s during the first great wave of international adoption, and it is easy to see how she has become so prominent in the field of international adoption health issues.

When questioned as to what issues parents should be aware of in the health of their foreign born child, Dr. Aronson said that growth and development should be the primary focus. She pointed out that while physical health issues are important, many of the likely conditions, such as malnutrition or scabies, end up being short-lived. With proper treatment, these conditions usually clear up within six months, she explained.

However, it’s the developmental issues that have long-term effects on the lives of these children.

She explained that, "Children who are adopted from foreign institutions have one month developmental delay for every three months they are in the institution. Younger children have less effects because they have been in the institution less time." A part of this developmental delay also includes poor growth. However, the biggest problem these children face is lack of expressive language. This is not a case of not being able to speak English, but rather being unable to express themselves in their native language. This leads to poor self-esteem and behavioral problems.

The second developmental problem an adoptive family needs to recognize is attachment issues. Children living in institutions never learn the social connections and intimacies of family life that are second nature to a biological child. They have to learn how to make eye contact and become engaged within the family unit.

The third issue is the lack of self-regulatory mechanisms. These children have never had anyone listen to their needs. They have also never learned how to manage their needs and wants. What they have learned is to take care of themselves. Part of the process of orienting a child who has grown up in an institution to family life is to make them understand that it’s all right to ask for help.

If you are contemplating a foreign adoption, Dr. Aronson recommends that you set up a pre-adoption consultation with an international adoption expert so that you know what to expect and what to be prepared for. You can often have this initial consultation by phone or email.

Once you have adopted your child, the international adoption expert can serve as an advocate for you and your child and make the early interventions and referrals necessary for the child’s development.

For more information about where to contact an international adoption expert, log on to http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/health/clinics.html

Foxnews.com Health contributor Maria Esposito contributed to this report.

Currancy Converter

Monday, January 22, 2007

5.00 US Dollar = 132.657 Russian Rouble

5.00 Russian Rouble (RUB) = 0.18846 US Dollar (USD)

Few Survive to age 14

http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/europe/9812/28/russia.orphans/index.html

"This orphanage is supposed to get 12 cents a day to feed each child. This month they've gotten nothing," said Irina Vodkailo, the orphanage's director. "What we have now is powdered milk and some grain -- enough for three days, not more."

The children stay in bed all day, or sit in a playpen, wet. According to staff members, few survive to age 14. The leading cause of death in Orphanage Number 3 is pneumonia.

Perfect paragraph of WHat I See mY trip being...

Regardless of what percentage of Russian adoptions fail, the fact still remains that an overwhelming percentage of Russia's children are leaving their homeland. There will always be orphans in the world; this is something we will never be able to totally do away with. However, instead of exporting so many, why not help Russia improve its orphanages or, better yet, the economic circumstances of parents so that they can keep their children in Russia and with their families. This is not a simple problem by far. But, it is one which receives little active attention.

Abortions cheaper than birth control

Plight of Russia's Orphans

By Linda DeLaine http://www.russianlife.net/article.cfm?Number=148
RL Online

Summary: The statistics regarding Russia's orphaned and/or abandoned children are quite disturbing with Americans making up the majority of foreign adoptive parents. Reforms have been implemented but do little to improve living conditions in Russia's orphanages. What does the future hold for these children?

---

Many prospective American adoptive parents turn to foreign adoption. It's not any less expensive, but often does not take as long as a domestic adoption. There are those who choose foreign adoption because they feel they can offer a better life to a child from an under privileged country. Rumors abound that many of these countries, including Russia, do not care about family, children and place a low value on human life. In the case of Russia, evidence the high abortion rate; roughly 70 percent higher than in the U.S.

Abortion has become the birth control of choice; a choice made because of circumstances. Birth control is available in Russia, but it is expensive, whereas abortions are free. The overall health of Russia is poor. With as much as 20 percent of young women suffering from anemia, many choose abortion because they fear that they and/or their baby will not survive a full term pregnancy.

Economics are a reality when it comes to pregnancy. The Russian economy has improved during 2000, but it has a ways to go before prospective parents will feel they can afford children. Many who don't believe in abortion for religious reasons or think they can figure out a way to care for a child will deliver, only to place their baby up for adoption. Most of these infants and children are adopted by non-Russian families, primarily in the United States. A population crisis is in the making with the number of Russian citizens dropping by 8 million from 1991 to 1999.

Observers and adoptive parents have accused Russian orphanages of neglect and abuse. The reality is, these orphanages are underfunded, understaffed and over populated with children. Roughly 230,000 children are residents of the state orphanage system with over 650,000 in some form of state care. Itar-Tass has reported that some 90 percent of children in orphanages are not true orphans as they do have living parents. Due to poor conditions, inadequate nutrition and insufficient emotional care, many of these children are underdeveloped mentally and physically. The older the child and the longer he/she is in the system, the greater the emotional and, often, physical problems become. Disease passed on by the birth mother is frequent. In one orphanage in central Russia, all but one out of a group of 30 children had syphilis.

In most orphanages, children are bathed together with no hot water available. They dine on porridge and bits of chicken with no fresh fruits, vegetables or red meat available. They sleep in wards of typically 12 children on old mattresses with ragged blankets. Many of these facilities are under heated and toys or other tools to stimulate a child's mind are scarce. Many of these orphans suffer from weakened immune systems and, thus, all manner of illness. Their mental, emotional and physical development often seriously stunted.

In an attempt to reform Russia's adoption system, then president Boris Yeltsin signed a new adoption law in 1998. This law was intended to place higher criteria on foreign adoptions and encourage more domestic adoptions. In brief, foreign adoption agencies have to be certified by Russia in order to conduct business there. Certification requires passing a laundry list of qualifications designed to cut down on corruption and, what amounted to baby selling. Furthermore, when a child becomes available for adoption, there is a five month wait period before that child can be made available to foreign prospective parents. It is hoped that, in that period of time, a Russian family will adopt the child. New laws and tighter restrictions do nothing to improve the conditions of the state orphanages; this requires money.

From 1992 through 1999, some 15,000 orphans were adopted by Americans. The total number of Russian children adopted by foreigners, in 1999, was 6,200; 4,300 of which were adopted by Americans. Children adopted by Russian families, not including those adopted by blood relatives, was around 7,000. The total number of orphans available for adoption in 1999 was ca. 80,000.

On March 3, 2000, President Putin chaired a special meeting of his Cabinet. The sole item on the agenda was Putin's mandate for improving conditions of Russia's orphans. The fact that a vast majority of Russia's orphans do, indeed, have parents indicates deep problems involving the family and paternity. Putin ordered his ministers to submit proposals regarding ways to improve conditions of abandoned and orphaned children. This was the first time anyone could remember when the president had focused exclusively on the plight of Russia's unwanted children.

The Russian government issued a decree on April 22, 2000. This new law mandates that potential adoptive parents must be represented by only accredited adoption agencies. While agencies scrambled to gain this accreditation, adoptions that were in progress were put on hold or rejected altogether by the Russian regional courts.

According to the Russian Statistic Agency, there were roughly 39.3 million children in Russia at the end of 1998. Of this number, 621,115 were orphans. About one-third, 230,000, were housed in 1,600 orphanages. What's worse, only 249 of these orphanages contained 19,300 toddlers under age 4. The Statistic Agency also reported that roughly 70 percent of all orphans were known to have and had been diagnosed with physical and/or mental disabilities.

Human Rights Watch continues to report countless cases of routine abuse of children in orphanages. Roughly 20,000 children run away from orphanages every year, according to the Interior Ministry University. This statement went on to say that of the ca.15,000 children released from orphanages annually, some 10 percent commit suicide, 30 percent commit crimes and 40 percent are unemployed and homeless. Do the math - this leaves only about 20 percent who are able to make it on their own.

It is fairly easy to count the number of Russian children living in orphanages. However, it is almost impossible to know exactly how many more children are living on the streets. Most of them pan handle or turn to prostitution to survive.

Adoptive parents were often not informed of their child's past or present medical problems let alone provided a medical history of the birth mother. Many such parents would sense problems when meeting their new son or daughter but reasoned that these were temporary issues which would go away once the child was home, well fed and nurtured. Sadly, this has not always been the case.

Odyssey of a Child. Russian Orphanages

Odyssey of a child http://hrw.org/reports98/russia2/Russ98d-03.htm#P483_60775

Type 1: Best prospects for a child abandoned at birth and healthy

In this case, a child is born at a state-run hospital or maternity ward and is left there in the hands of the Ministry of Health. The staff of the maternity ward will observe the child, giving him or her various medical and developmental diagnoses based on what it known of the family history and birth.

According to Russian medical practice, all risk factors are listed on any infant's chart under the initial diagnosis, and the high risks of many orphans win them a diagnosis of at least “delayed.” Within a few weeks, all infants, except those who require immediate hospital care, are transferred to state-run baby houses where they reside for roughly four years.

Even in the best case, children who are closest to normal health at birth become retarded to some degree after these four years of collective living, deprived of individual nurture. An alarming number of less resilient infants seem to succumb to a self-fulfilling diagnosis of retarded.25 This puts them at a distinct disadvantage at the age of four, when all institutionalized children are evaluated by the state Psychological-Medical-Pedagogical Commission of the Ministry of Education for distribution to institutions for children five years old and up.26 The evaluation, which becomes an official "diagnosis" entered into an orphan's record, is often based on the visiting commission's one-time session with the child.27

It is impossible to overstate the crucial importance of this test to an orphan's future. It is a crossroads which routes the child either to a life of limitedopportunities, or to a life of doom. Many Russian experts interviewed by Human Rights Watch sharply criticized this process, and could readily identify children who were certainly misdiagnosed. Although Russian law provides for the child to appeal through his legal guardian, it is almost impossible for a four-year-old in the custody of the orphanage director to lodge a complaint.

In the best case—if the toddlers clear this hurdle—they will be channeled into an orphanage in the Education Ministry system. There they will receive nine years of public education, learn a vocation, and get a job and place to live after the age of eighteen.

In general these children will enter the tunneled domain of state institutions, where they will inhabit a stultifying world apart from society at large. Orphans in Moscow told Human Rights Watch that their public school classmates teased them as "dyet-domovskii” kids. 28 Upon returning to their dyetskii dom after a school day, the orphans are once again in their separate world, where they find a dubious haven. Teenaged orphans in Moscow and St. Petersburg interviewed by Human Rights Watch reported several categories of abuse they had suffered or witnessed. They said that children with no parents are treated more harshly than those whose parents are in touch with them. Punishment by the director and staff may involve physical assault, verbal abuse, public humiliation (for example forcing children to strip in front of peers), isolation in unheated rooms in winter, or standing naked in front of an open window in winter. Runaways from the orphanage are often regarded as abnormal and sent to psychiatric hospitals.29

Brutal treatment is not confined to direct confrontations with adults, however, for they encourage older children to beat up, bully, intimidate and coerce the younger ones.30 Orphans interviewed by Human Rights Watch had abundant episodes to recount, including punishment by proxy. Not only are they brutalized by this, they are socially stunted, and poorly prepared for a decent life as adults in the outside world.

When the orphans graduate from their world of the dyetskii dom, they face a "new Russia" in such social upheaval and economic disarray that it is distressful for those who have grown up in it. Gone is the social safety net of the Soviet era which at least guaranteed orphans housing, employment and a place in the army. Now, as a diplomat in Moscow told Human Rights Watch, "Their passport is marked with "dyetskii dom" so that people always know they were from orphanages. They have no one to turn to when they're unleashed at eighteen. Some have never ridden a metro before or been to a store or anything. A lot of them end up on the streets."31

Type 2: Worst prospects for a child abandoned at birth and disabled

A baby born with physical or mental disabilities in Russia faces the worst prospects if he or she is abandoned at birth. Some of them have only physical disabilities, or minor mental retardation and could learn to walk and talk, read and write. Among these are children with mild Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, and correctable conditions such as club foot and cleft palate.

Numerous parents are routinely pressured at the maternity ward to give up such infants.32 After initial observation they are transferred to baby houses where the children classified with severe physical and mental disabilities are segregated into lying-down rooms. Confined to cribs, staring at the ceiling, these babies are fed and changed, but they are deprived of one-to-one attention and sensory stimulation and are not encouraged to walk or talk. However tentative their diagnosis of retardation was at birth, particularly for those who have only physical disabilities, it becomes self-fulfilling by the age of four.33

In the worst case, these babies fail the diagnostic evaluation of the Psychological-Medical-Pedagogical Commission at the age of four and are handed over to the Labor and Social Development Ministry. There they are interned in closed internaty for imbetsily and idioty, where there is little more than a perfunctory classroom to keep some of the children busy for a few hours a week.

The bedridden children from the baby houses are again confined to cots in lying-down rooms, often laid out on bare rubber mattress covers, unclothed fromthe waist down and incontinent, as we witnessed in one internat and heard in credible reports from volunteers working in many state institutions.34

Human Rights Watch saw children who were considered “too active” or “too difficult” being confined to dark or barren rooms with barely a place to sit. The staff tethered them by a limb if they believed they might try to escape, and restrained others in makeshift straitjackets made of dingy cotton sacks pulled over the torso and drawn at the waist and neck.35

Children with Down syndrome and other hereditary conditions are regularly passed over for corrective-heart surgery that is routine in the West, based on a long-held bias against spending medical resources on children judged as "socially useless."36

The orphans who survive to the age of eighteen move on to an adult internat, again removed from public view. Some, however, are housed in huge centers with hundreds of handicapped people across the age spectrum and where older inmates feed and care for younger or more disabled ones.

Variations on these cases

There are scores of variations on the two types of journeys followed by Russian orphans. For instance, some children are abandoned after living several years at home. As one baby house director told Human Rights Watch, this can occur in the case of severe disability, when a family struggles for a while to raise their child themselves:

If the mother decides to keep the child, after three years, maybe, she loses her job. The state subsdidies are minimal. The man might leave her. While the child weighs under twenty-two pounds, she can carry him. But then the baby grows, more care is needed and she has less money, and her physical and moral strength is getting weaker. We know instances where those cases will be found locked in a dark room in an apartment, because the mother had to goto work to feed her children, because the monthly pension for having a disabled child is really miserable—200,000 rubles (U.S. $30).37

Not all variations are so bleak. Volunteers and child development specialists in Russia told us about an increasing number of children who are being kept an extra year or two in the baby houses in order to improve their chances of passing the commission evaluation and avoid banishment to a psychoneurological internat. In addition, not all the children in baby houses are neglected equally, as certain children have winning personalities or attractive characteristics that encourage the staff to devote more attention to them.38

Finally, all children have their individual constitutions, which miraculously navigate some of them through the harshest circumstances, and help them not only to survive, but thrive.

Russia Orphanages

Russia is filled with Orphanages

It is sad to know the future for most of these kids, ... statistics show that 80% of the girls will become prostitutes and most of the boys will go to prison after they are released from the orphanage.

II. THE ODYSSEY OF A RUSSIAN ORPHAN1http://hrw.org/reports98/russia2/Russ98d-03.htm#P483_60775

We did a lot of art in the dom rebyonka (baby house). The children were begging us to hang their paintings over their bed. The staff took the paintings and we never saw them again. They said that these children are being raised in state institutions and would always be in groups the rest of their life. No reason to pamper them with personalized things now, because they wouldn’t be allowed such things later in life. And that would only make problems. This mentality is so entrenched.2

Background3

Russian institutions are bursting with abandoned children, who now total more than 600,000 children who are defined by the state as being "without parental care.”4 During each of the last two years, more than 113,000 children have been abandoned, reflecting a breathtaking rise from 67,286 in 1992. Another 30,000 arereported to run away from troubled homes each year, clogging the urban railway stations and metros, sometimes ending up in shelters and orphanages.5

Since the collapse of Soviet rule in 1991, these children have become the jetsam in Russia’s stormy economic transition. Their families are often poor, jobless, ill, and in trouble with the law; this burgeoning class of abandoned children has come to be called "social orphans"—indicating that ninety-five percent of abandoned children have a living parent.6

Official statistics on abandoned children abound, and the figures gathered from various official sources often do not correspond. The institutions that care for children span three government ministries, and the categories listed in statistical tables either overlap or are so vaguely defined as to make a fine breakdown of numbers extremely difficult. 7

According to compilations published by UNICEF in 1997, some 611, 034 Russian children are "without parental care." Of these, 337,527 are housed in baby houses, children's homes, and homes for children with disabilities.8 According toa Russian expert in their field, the latter figure includes children living part-time at home, and the full-time orphan population in institutions is closer to 200,000. Of these, at least 30,000 are committed to locked psychoneurological internaty for “ineducable” children, run by the Ministry of Labor and Social Development.9

The remaining number, according to government tables, are placed in alternative custody, including group homes and other guardianship perhaps with members of a child’s extended family. Although some tables list foster care as one of the alternative forms of custody, an international child development specialist told Human Rights Watch that there are only several hundred children living in family-sized settings, and that the standard “foster care” involves larger groups.10 Human Rights Watch commends the few pilot programs in foster care that have begun in Russia and urges speedy development of further projects that provide humane alternatives to large institutions.

It was beyond the scope of this report to conduct a full investigation of the many categories of institutions. But based on reliable sources most familiar with custodial care for abandoned children, Human Rights Watch has focused on three classes of institutions for this report: dom rebyonka, dyetskii dom, and psychoneurological internat.

Archipelago of closed institutions

Orphans in Russia are herded through a maze of state structures operated by three government ministries, which compete for limited state funds and overlap in their mandates for certain categories of orphans and children with disabilities. The Ministry of Health is charged with the care of abandoned infants from birth toroughly four years of age, and houses them in 252 baby houses which are called "dom rebyonka," housing from 18-20,000 children.11

All abandoned infants spend their first three to four years in a baby house, and are then distributed to institutions under the control of either the Ministry of Education or the Ministry of Labor and Social Development.12 Among those under the Ministry of Education, one group of children is deemed to have no disabilities, and the second group contains children diagnosed as lightly disabled, and officially termed "debil."

The most common institution for the "educable” children is called a dyetskii dom (children's home), which generally houses boys and girls. They generally attend regular Russian public schools for the compulsory nine years, where they can earn a secondary school diploma, or they can leave school at the age of fifteen.13

Abandoned children may also live in school-internaty, where they receive their education inside the institution where they live. Following secondary school, these children in the care of the Ministry of Education may receive two to three years of further training in a trade, which they pursue at another boarding institution under the Pedagogical Technical Directorate (PTU). While studying skills such as carpentry, electricity, masonry, and stuffed-animal making, among others, the children are housed in dormitories staffed by the Ministry of Education.14

At the age of five, the second group of orphans under the Education Ministry's purview—the debily—is channeled to spets internaty (or "auxiliary internaty"), where they reside while taking a significantly abbreviated course of education totaling six years, far short of a high school diploma. They are also offeredvocational training, but their program and residence are generally segregated from the non-debil orphans.15

Under Russian law, the state must provide all orphans leaving the care of the Education Ministry with an initial stipend, housing and employment. But the economic crisis since the introduction of market reforms and privatization of apartments makes this increasingly difficult. Indeed, the prospect of life in the outside world is a source of great worry to the orphans and child welfare experts alike.16

The Ministry of Labor and Social Development takes charge of orphans who are diagnosed by a board of state medical and educational reviewers as having heavy physical and mental disabilities at the age of four. Officially labeled "imbetsil" or "idiot," they are committed to closed institutions which often resemble Dickensian asylums of the nineteenth century. There they remain until the age of eighteen. Those who survive to that age are transferred to adult psychoneurological internaty, or asylums, for the duration of their lives. 17

Fragmentary statistics on the mortality rates in the institutions under the Ministry of Labor and Social Development indicate that these orphans are at significant risk of premature death. One leading child welfare advocate in Moscow told Human Rights Watch that estimates from government figures indicate the death rate in these internaty is twice the rate in the general population. He also knows one internat where he said that the death rate rose to as high as three and a half times the rate in the society outside its walls.18

While we were not able to obtain government statistics to corroborate these estimates in Russia, we noted that UNICEF researchers found higher death rates in these psychoneurological internaty across most of the former Soviet bloc.19 A1996 national statistic from Ukraine indicated that "approximately thirty percent of all severely disabled children in special homes—a staggering figure—die before they reach eighteen." 20

While UNICEF acknowledges that many of these children are at increased risk from their underlying conditions, it attributes part of the high mortality figures to crowding, poor hygiene, and low standards of care.21

Soviet-era policies and practices persist in Russian institutions. Renowned for its centralized control, the sprawling system of internaty for abandoned children was inspired by the Soviet philosophy favoring collective organization over individual care, and the ideal that the state could replace the family.22 Regimentation and discipline were integral to this philosophy, and restricted access to the institutions apparently permitted the director and staff to operate with impunity.

While most Russians who left their children in state care during the late Soviet period did so for such reasons as poverty, illness, and family problems, a certain proportion of children came from working parents and students who used the orphanages as weekly boarding institutions and retrieved their children during the weekend.

This was considered normal practice, according to the long-time director of a Moscow baby house, who told Human Rights Watch how university students would house their infants with her sometimes for two to three years:

We had families who had three kids who stayed here, then the parents finished studies and picked up the kids and left to go back home with them. We actually considered it to be fine. They were normal parents. They came and breast-fed them. In only one case the mother threw away (gave up) her child after six months.23

The contrast between the doctor's attitude toward children who had parents to visit them and those who were fully abandoned, illustrated the deep bias against orphans and their parents that endures today.

Orphan care varies broadly across Russia, making it very difficult to draw conclusions about cities, regions, or even classes of institutions. For much of this century, for example, Moscow has been a world apart from anywhere else in the sprawling country, and this gulf has widened dramatically with the lifting of market controls in recent years. In matters of public funding, children's institutions in the capital and several other main cities enjoy higher levels than those in the regions of Mordovia, Tver' and Smolensk.24

But even the USSR, in its idiosyncratic way, was a land of exceptions. Orphanage directors, like the bosses of factories and vast collective farms, enjoyed considerable discretion over their domains. The director's personal commitment to children's welfare worked to the favor or to the detriment of the orphans. Human Rights Watch learned of compassionate, energetic directors with imagination and pluck who sought out child welfare information from the West, and took the initiative to improve their institutions by raising money locally and training their staff.

The result today is a hybrid of the former centralized system and low-grade anarchy, which also applies to the uneven enforcement of laws and standards protecting children introduced by the Russian Federation since 1991. This is complicated by the process of decentralization generally unfolding in the government ministries that oversee the institutional care and the diagnosis of children.

Watch video: Power The power of One. Of Me.

http://www.crmleaders.org/uploads/qp/TT/qpTTYLyJYvZXT_8hPpYy9g/thisonething-med.mov

This One Thing
(Quicktime)

This One Thing
(Windows Media)

Who Are We?

Church Resource Ministries is committed to the centrality of the local church in God's plan for reaching the world with the good news of Jesus. The ministry is committed to values such as: Evangelical Theology, Discipleship, Church Growth, Church Planting, Teams, Servanthood, Risk, an Entrepreneurial Spirit, Accountability, and the Presence of God in all that we do.

What Do We Do?

The purpose of CRM is to develop leaders to strengthen and start churches worldwide.

How Do We Do It?

CRM is in the leadership business. Our staff are missionaries to churches, pastors and lay leaders. CRM staff are "gifts" to the Church. We come alongside and incarnationally encourage, coach, and equip leaders to plant, grow and lead dynamic, culturally relevant churches.

We also develop systems and strategies that can greatly improve and accelerate a church's ability to reach the unchurched and multiply its evangelistic influence into every segment of society.

Where Do We Do It?

CRM teams minister in major American metropolitan areas such as Los Angeles, New York City, Phoenix and Portland.

InnerCHANGE, CRM's ministry among the poor, places specially trained staff teams in the inner cities of Los Angeles, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Caracas, and cities in Cambodia and Romania.

Internationally, CRM teams minister in Australia, Cambodia, Canada, Croatia, France, Hungary, Indonesia, Japan, Kenya, Korea, New Zealand, Poland, Romania, Russia, Scotland, Singapore, South Africa, Taiwan, Ukraine the United Kingdom, and Venezuela.

What Do We Hope to Accomplish?

CRM envisions movements of fresh, authentic churches, pioneered by godly leaders, fired by a passion for their world, compelled to multiply their lives and ministry; so that the name of God is renowned among the nations.

CRM Model of Ministry

Our Model of Ministry is a description of our strategy... the distinctives of how we move from what we do toward results. To accomplish our vision:

CRM creates
Communities of Transformation
and
Mentoring relationships
in which leaders are empowered.

This strategy is accomplished in four primary contexts:

* Among church planters
* Among pastors and lay leaders
* Among selected unevangelized urban settings and people groups
* Among the poor

By create we mean: CRM staff catalyze and shape multiple forms of communities and mentoring relationships. While our staff will primarily lead, they will also coach others to lead and will train others to coach.

By communities of transformation we mean: the type of small group or cells where leaders can know and be known. It means safe environments where there is transparency, honesty and the type of accountability that promotes genuine spiritual growth and authentic change.

By mentoring relationships we mean: The deeply human, one-to-one connections where life and skills are transferred. It is the experience in which one person empowers another by sharing God-given resources in the type of relationship beyond what can be experienced in a group setting. Such mentoring relationships include those of a discipler, coach, teacher, sponsor or model.

Among existing leaders--pastors, church planters, and lay leaders--our communities of transformation take the form of reproducible systems such as New Church Incubators, New Church Networks, Focusing Leaders Networks, and ReFocusing Church/Ministry Networks.

Where few or no leaders exist--in unevangelized urban setting and among the poor--our communities of transformation take the shape of small groups for seekers, creative cell groups, discipleship clusters, and ministry that is highly incarnational.

Christian Resource Ministries-Russia

From their website. I will be going to Kursk. 6 hours sw of Moscow.

Despite the fall of the Soviet Union in 1989 and the ultimate fall of Communism in Russia in 1991, despite incessant economic, political and social crises, the Russian Federation continues to be a major voice on the world’s stage. Russia makes up more than 10% of the earth’s land mass, but contains less than 3% of the world’s population; it is a land of contrasts and contradictions that often defies description.

An admixture of European and Asian cultures and mentalities, many consider the growth and strength of the church in Russia to be a strategic link in world evangelization. But despite the heroic evangelistic efforts and influx of missions resources since Communism's fall, evangelical Christians today make up less than 1% of the Russian population in a Church that is severely marginalized in the society. Even the dominant Russian Orthodox Church, with its nationalistic ties and the cultural sympathy of most Russians, considers less than 5% of the population pious believers. Generations of totalitarian oppression, atheism, and propaganda have left the society skeptical of the truth and relevance of the Gospel--and especially of its Western expressions and methods. This heritage has left the Russian people mistrusting and narcissistic, and the Russian church divided, rigid, and insular.

Since 1991, CRM has envisioned long-term teams in Russia, who would not settle for the "open window" missions mentality. CRM teams have taken the time to make language acquisition a priority and the development of Russian churches under Russian leadership the invariable principle of ministry. First working in St. Petersburg, then in Irkutsk and Kursk, CRM teams have worked alongside national training facilities and a variety of Russian churches and organizations to encourage the integrity and depth of Russian leaders and the development of their vision for the impact of the Gospel in their land. This is slow, personal “soul” work--tilling the soil over the long haul for the fruits of genuine church growth.

Gods a Dad

"I have loved you," says the LORD.

"A son honors his father, and a servant his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?" says the LORD

My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun. ..because my name will be great among the nations," says the LORD Almighty.
Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard.


for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.
Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families

Random thoughts

One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.

When we were overwhelmed by sins,
you forgave ^[b] our transgressions.

You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness,
O God our Savior,

Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds!

Come and see what God has done,
how awesome his works in man's behalf

Come and listen, all you who fear God;
let me tell you what he has done for me.

I cried out to him with my mouth;

God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.

Praise be to God,
who has not rejected my prayer
or withheld his love from me!

Russia, Russia, Russia!!!

It's happening. I see God Working. It's HAPPENING FOLKS!! Forget about the pettiness of people I tell myself, and give it to God.
TODAY:
I taught about 8 couples for Foster and Parenting stuff. One of the dads, a Pharmacist said, "What's this about you going to Russia?" I told him the plan as I know it. He said, "I will go with you. I went to University in MOSCOW!!". How cool is THAT.

THEN:
I get an email today from the Missionary in Kursk, and his home Church. I think I will be speaking at their Church in February.

WOW. WOW. WOW.
Dear Lord, you have answered prayer regarding someone to travel with. Now Please start bringing in the money.

I love you Lord for working in my life once again.

Christian Resource Ministries

I LOVE THIS STATEMENT:

We believe that one leader has the potential to impact the whole world, one person at a time. Each person involved in this movement--staff, donor, or leader in the field--is part of a team in which each member plays an undeniable role in eternal change.

Our goal is to train individuals to become committed leaders who will stand together and go wherever the needs are greatest. We do this by multiplying leaders throughout the globe ...among pastors and those who pioneer new churches ...among the poor ...among business men and women ..and among the emerging generation.

My Feelings are hurt...

Or as my friend says.."Oh that's right, You can't hurt my feelings, I've been married".

Anyway. Yah. My feeling s have been brutally stomped on. I Didn't do anything to deserve what has happened to me. I have been disrespected. There is no fairness, no compromise, and I'm supposed to just act like nothing ever happened? I've laid my hurts
Not just to me. MY children have been hurt. Fine..Hurt me...HURT MY KIDS???? Sorry. My MOTHER has Been Dissed. Momma don't play that game. Been a guest in my home? I trusted this person with my KIDS???? wow. What was I smokin?
I have to be somewhat vague as I'm still dealing with the situation. Not that it matters nobody actually READS this stuff...but...OK...I did nothing that I can think of wrong. I Did the "go to thing" the bible discusses. Subject would not speak. Subject disses my kids, my family, my time, my investment in them....My kids are asking about the person..I have to tell them the truth. But I don't know what the truth is.
This is not Jr. High. Adults are not supposed to be acting this way.
I think I"ll let a stink bomb off in their locker.

New Emergent Mom's Support Group Site

alt="Click here to join emergentmoms" />
Click to join emergentmoms

The song I can't get out of my head

My love for you is immeasurable
My respect for you immense
You're ageless, timeless
grace and fineness
you're beauty and elegance

You're in my heart
You're in my soul
You'll be my friend
Should i grow old
You are my lover
You're my best friend
You're in my soul
-Rod Stewart

Forum 18

My learning curve is increasing as I try to see what I"m getting myself into in Russia or thereabouts. This is one site I found that is simply amazing. Forum 18, is a News service, trying to be broad minded enough (I see this as a GOOD thing), to include several "denominations".
Where have I been that I no NOTHING about what is going on in the Religious world? People NOW are STILL suffering for Jesus. I mean the old knock em down stuff, raids on headquarters, being deported stuff. Their site is addictive, and makes me feel incredibly grateful.
Christian's Cannot even NAME their children what they want to or they will be denied education, Travel permits etc. (see below).

Forum 18 News Service's Mission Statement

Forum 18 believes that religious freedom is a fundamental human right, which is essential for the dignity of humanity and for true freedom. Forum 18 is committed to religious freedom for all on the basis of Article 18 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which reads:

"Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance."

This may be summarised as:

The right to believe, to worship and witness
The right to change one's belief or religion
The right to join together and express one's belief.

Below is Part of todays article< the rest of it is on their site.
COMMENTARY: Azerbaijan's democracy "is being sold for oil"
http://www.forum18.org/Archive.php?article_id=482

By an Azerbaijani Protestant

In this personal commentary for Forum 18 News Service http://www.forum18.org , an Azerbaijani Protestant, anonymous to avoid state persecution, pleads for the international community to promote religious freedom for all, as "it seems to us that our democracy is being sold for oil. Foreigners are afraid to call things by their real name. They are afraid to tell our government bluntly that human rights violations must end." He argues that "religious freedom cannot exist without other freedoms, such as freedom of expression and association, as well as press and literature freedom. Because of this, religious freedom is a litmus test for freedom and democracy in any society, including Azerbaijan." He concludes by proposing practical steps for effective dialogue with Azerbaijan's leaders, leading to real religious freedom, and how religious minorities can be involved in this process.


In the nearly fifteen years since my country, Azerbaijan, regained its independence, we Christians have faced all kinds of obstacles and problems functioning freely. Although Azerbaijan gained a new constitution that unambiguously recognises the independence of religious communities from the state, freedom of conscience for all and the equality of citizens regardless of their religious adherence, gender or political views, in practice the opposite is the case.

While religious communities in Azerbaijan theoretically largely have the right to function freely (with some exceptions), in practice they do not have freedom. Restrictions and obstacles abound.

When churches and other minority religious communities try to register with the government and gain legal status it can be very difficult – at times even impossible. Obstruction comes from the State Committee for Work with Religious Organisations – the government agency with the duty of registering religious communities that wish to do so. But not just from the Committee. Local administration officials up and down the country – who also have to approve registration applications – often deliberately and arbitrarily obstruct them.

In principle a community collects the required documents and sends them in, but what happens if the state notary refuses to certify the signatures? The application stalls – and there is little redress. Communities can wait for years as applications languish on this or that official's desk – and believers do not know what they can do to gain the registration they are entitled to.

The same difficulty faces Christian parents if they want to give their children Christian names. That's no problem in most countries of the world, but in some parts of Azerbaijan officials often refuse to register the birth of a child with a Christian name – the child then cannot go to kindergarten or school, get treatment in a hospital or travel to other countries. (See eg. F18News 1 December 2004
http://www.forum18.org/Archive.php?article_id=466.)

And when religious communities seek to meet for worship – with or without registration, as is their right under the constitution and in international law – the police or secret police can raid them. Those without registration are told (wrongly) that registration is compulsory before a community can meet for worship.

Worse still, believers are at times detained, intimidated and fined, simply for practising their faith in the way they see fit. Religious literature remains censored, a Soviet-era practice long overdue for abolition.

Even defending religious freedom for all is obstructed. Two years ago local believers of a variety of faiths founded a local affiliate of the International Religious Liberty Association (IRLA). Officials from the United States, Russian and Turkish embassies were present at the official launch at Baku's Irshad Hotel, along with parliamentarians from Kyrgyzstan and other international representatives, among them Denton Lotz, general secretary of the Baptist World Alliance. Local officials were led by Rafik Aliev, head of the State Committee.

To Russia...With Love

This is going to be an act of love. I am scared, yet excited. I hope (and you can pray) that I can find a traveling companion-maybe one of the Missionaries church members, or family members.

Kursk is about 6 hours South West of Moscow by train. About 18 hours from JFK to Moscow. So..do I fly out to NY and spend the night, get to Moscow and spend the night...so many questions. God has the answers.
I am investigating what priorities are-as far as Visas, Passports, official letter of invitation, topics needed, clothing requirements etc. I will be a Visiting Professor at the University, so do I need suits? Does a "respectable" woman there wear pants?

It is going to be exciting to see how God does this all.
The main difficulty in the transition from Orphanages to Foster Homes, is of course financial. Russians are poor. A child is another mouth to feed. Orphans themselves are leery of leaving the known for private residences. Just as in a prison, orphanages have surrogate families that get set up. To take one child and not another is traumatic.
I guess lots of posts will be about this. I've found very little about Kursk itself, some lovely photos. One friend said a Russian friend's advice was to "Pack as if you are camping". I think that may be wise.
More to come.

Get Right, or Die

Usually things are not clear cut. There used to be BLACK and WHITE for me, but that is Nary the case now. The world, spiritual things, are mostly grey. (I like that spelling of GRAY).
I think God likes grey. It makes His lovers more responsive, each seeking their own relationship with individual choices. I think Grey is not boring.
Some things are clear cut. You fall in a bonfire, you get burned. You cut your skin, you bleed.
Sometimes, I live in the grey too much. God says NO, I say...why not. It is not a attitude of rebellion I don't think. Its more of a "tough" learning I felt I used to have to do.
I don't feel that way anymore. (on some things at least). I've been way to liberal with what I think God will put up with.

Just as I was in the hospital recovering from physical illness, I've been in the spiritual hospital recovering.
Thank God He is both the great Physical healer, as well as matters of the heart.

Some things are just clear cut.

I"m a RED what color are you

The Color Code


Definitely Red
You Promote Interesting Experiences
REDS Are Excellent Providers
You Tell People Where They Stand In The Relationship
You Provide Natural Leadership
REDS Show Up

Congratulations, Donna, you are a RED personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Power". Power means the ability to get things done, to go from A to B as quickly and directly as possible. The word power was derived from the Old French poeir meaning "to be able." Often what is perceived by the other colors as insensitive is simply a pragmatic sense of urgency to accomplish a given task.

As a RED you naturally seek productivity and want others to see you as intellectually strong. As REDS want their own way, you like to be in the driver's seat and are willing to pay the price to be in a leadership role even in an intimate relationship. However, you can get frustrated when your partner cannot think for himself or make intelligent decisions on his own. As a RED, you tend to value whatever gets you ahead in life, whether it is at work, school, or in your personal relationships. What you value, you get done. You may be a workaholic and enjoy it!. You will, however, resist being forced to do anything that doesn't interest you.

As a RED, Donna, you like to be right. You value approval from others for your intelligence and solution-based, pragmatic style. You want to be respected even more than you want to be loved, and you appreciate admiration for your logical, practical mind.

Next: More About You->You only have one Core Motive or "Color Code"

Your personality type is driven by only ONE of four Core Motives, represented by the colors:

* RED (Core Motive = Power, or the ability to move from "a" to "b" as efficiently as possible)
* BLUE (Core Motive = Intimacy, this doesn't mean sex, but the need to connect, share feelings, and build relationships with others)
* WHITE (Core Motive = Peace, or calm even in the midst of conflict; clarity in the midst of confusion)
* YELLOW (Core Motive = Fun, or always enjoying the moment)

These are the four basic personality types that I will teach you about. However, very few people have ever scored 100% in one single color while taking the profile; therefore, you will find that your Core Color is often influenced by traces of the other colors. That is why no two WHITES, although driven by the same Core Motive of Peace, will ever be exactly alike.
Your Color was present at birth and you cannot change it

You were born with your core personality color intact (ask any woman who has given birth to more than one child and she'll tell you that her children had different personalities before they had drawn their first breath), and while parts of your personality do change over time (for example, you may have not been born a good listener, but you have learned to become one), you cannot and should not try to discard your Core Color in an attempt to trade it for another. If you were born a YELLOW, you will die a YELLOW, but you can add to yourself any strength or any limitation of any color to your core self.
All Colors are of equal importance

No personality type is better than another. Each brings equally valuable, albeit, different gifts to the world.
All Colors are neither good nor bad

No personality type is innately good or bad. Many people who do not know The Color Code may assume that all BLUES must be good and all REDS must be bad, for example. This couldn't be more false. The colors are neutral and individuals are free to choose how they will use their strengths and limitations to leave either a positive or a negative legacy in life.

Next: Why You're Hot->Nobody Dates Like A RED

This is true. When you are in pursuit of something (or somebody!), you tend to go all out. You dress to impress, you get the limo, the tickets, the flowers, the reservations, and the whole shebang. You by nature are a very competitive opponent to any other potential suitor who may come along, and you take great pleasure in taking home the prize.
You Are Highly Protective Of Your Companion

When you commit to someone, they can feel your protection on all levels. You see them as part of you, and are willing to go to war verbally and even physically on their behalf. You will not back down or remain silent when your partner is being attacked. Your companion loves to know that he is being taken care of and that you will be there to back him up and defend him whenever necessary.

My next Best Friend

dreams

I had awful dreams last night/this morning.
It was SOO wierd...Because one was Joy was missing. Hub had come on a trip with the others to where I was. I didn't really think Joy was missing.
Then..later at night..we realize (I realize / we realize) she was forgotten. Her dad had given her some money. My brother and his wife had come out to a cottage that I spen t my summers at. They were leaving to go home, and we were going to spend the night.
We didn't have a vehicle..then we decided we better go try and find her. I was FURIOUS. Part of the way, we slid down hill on this pastry sheet, then won the use of an old junker car.
Part way back, my brother calls and asks us where she is..that a local SHELL station had called him and they had her. She had bought drinks and chips, and hung around for a while..then finally said that her parents were lost.
THE VERY WIERD THING IS: as soon as my dream ended..My daughter came crawling into bed saying SHE HAD JUST HAD a VERY BAD DREAM. I believe it was the same one.
Very wierd.
Then..she told me She was SOOO Glad I wasn't dead. Pretty sobering for 5:15 a.m.

Meleita POD maker :HIGH Reccomend

"No Soup for YOU!!" is what the Soup Nazi says. Somehow I associate Meister and Nazi in this instance.
When Denise moved to SC, one thing I ended up with is a Melita Pod Coffee maker. This unit is amazing. Maybe its because I have about 3 cases of coffee pods, and I haven't had to buy any yet, but it works GREAT. The Coffee is fine quality.
I love being able to use it for tea. Usually, I like the "tradition" of getting the pot ready to boil, warming the tea pot (which my Aunt calls "mothering the pot), and all that stuff. But hey..lets face it. WHen I'm trying to get some liquids down me inbetween commercials This thing ROCKS> It also works Great for the kids hot choclate..IT makes it a WHOLE lot easy to say YES to them.
HIGHLY RECCOMEND

It's Long gone but

Several weeks ago.I keep forgetting to write about it--well I'm so lost as far as time goes since getting out of the hospital...I was cleaning part of my bedroom.

I've been off work..no money coming in, and I found a money order (blank) for $500. I thought I had sent it somewhere, but I guess God knew we would need it.
I wish I could find another one. its getting scary. Hear the knocking at the door??

Haircut

One step backwards...

I thought I was getting better. Even thought about the return to work. Then...today. BLAST from the back....literally I started..well as we said in corrections.."I couldn't hold my mud". Usually this was said when an offender was in the back of a State car under arrest, nervous, drunk or high, and literally poops themselves..thus..they were "clearly the dude could'nt hold his mud". The next conversation would be who was going to clean it up. OK..I digress.
SO today...I "couldn't hold my mud". I had several "runs" to the bathroom, and thought I was Done. Was feeling kind of weak...and surely there was no more BM left in me. What could one little toot hurt?
BLLLAAPPPP . Yep. I muddedd my self. right in my sweat pants i was using for jammies. It was not pleasant. UGH. So...that led into a shower, which led into laudrey etc.
WIll my guts ever be right from this DIVERTICULITUS thing???

Tea Cups

Ilove teacups. I collected the REALLY good ones when I was a kid. I nabbed a couple of Grandma's. I trade one back and forth with my sister.
Somehow..THESE teacups sort of creep me out. The artist has made a design, intentionally, that darkens depending upon how stained they get. It ..just reminds me of those fizzy red pills we chewed up to see how much gunk we left on our teeth after brushing.
"cuse me..I gotta go gargle

http://www.fraggedformysins.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/teacup.PNG
teacup.PNG

I"m not ready

I"m going in for the "Scope" in a few minutes. I"m waiting on my ride. I have a HUGE sense of dread like I"m going to die or something. I don't want to. I have way too much to do yet.
I need to clean my house, wrap presents, sue my renter, clean the kitchen, and love my kids more.
I dont know why I am soooo scared
OK My ride is here.

Nietzsche

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.--


http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/36.gif
http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/36.gif

Lets see if THIS works

THEN:


NOW

As 2006 winds down..some observable trends

STUPIDEST TREND OF THE YEAR
1) WW III
2) Post Reality TV Reality TV
4) KILLING PEOPLE FOR GOD
5) Killing people
6) Ass Cleavage

Cant miss this

Faithful readers know That I LOVE Friedrich Nietzsche quotes. THey always STOP and make me think.
WELL I just found a RANDOM Generator The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs a randomized Family Circus cartoon with a randomized Friedrich Nietzsche quote. Refresh the page to see a new comic and share your favorites by clicking permalink.
Today's Picks
Thursday, November 30th http://www.losanjealous.com/nfc/perm.php?c=13&q=236

The sight of the ugly makes men bad and gloomy.
SORRY I WISH I WERE BETTER AT POSTING THIS STUFF!!!http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/13.gif
http://www.losanjealous.com/img/nfc/13.gif


Here's a GREAT quote from Nietzsche: "I think I"m too sarcastic to believe in myself" The cartoon is GREAT that pairs with this.

Gatta get a hug...show one another love

Dance with God

I read the following on a recent blog-o-rama. It was a link from the Crummy Church sign sight.
I love the idea...of dancing with God. Somehow My ex fundamental self is cringing with the idea of the intimacy of it.
To be able to HOLD HIM within my grasp? Is that possible?
To feel HIs breath upon my neck? Wow.

I am loving the imagery of God, being like a girlfriend, and holding your long hair of the way so you don't get puke on it. I"m NOT trying to be irrevrent. You KNOW a True friend will hold your hair for you. A Real friend, will tell you your new dance moves are silly.

This is an entirely new side thought I've had of God. To move - to the same music, in a beautiful artistic dance. Wow. To weave oneself in the same path. To be graceful, with one another. To sense His pushing me back, leading me, without haveing to say anything.
Will others be watching me Dance With God? Will I know the steps well enought to just follow along? Will I trust Him to lead me? Not Trip me up? Can he dance intimately with others while He dances with me? I think the answer to all these questions...is Yes.

I think I'll start with a Waltz.


http://dancewithgod.blogspot.com/
Dance with God
Dance with God

God asked: "May I have this dance?" I replied: "My Lord, I don’t dance well." God answered, "Don’t worry, I’ll lead." I made the excuse, "But . . . You don’t understand, I’m fickle and have a short attention span . . . " God listened and replied, “I’m patient and enduring." I stuttered, "But, I’m scared, selfish, ugly, crude, and . . ." God insisted, "I love you and I’ll take a chance . . . I will lead and we will dance together . . . I love you, will you dance with me?"

I wish I would have said it...

http://dancewithgod.blogspot.com/
Dance with God

Moral incongruency, which is a term that I often use, covers a lot of ground. And it’s something that I think of in my life quite a bit. Sometimes it’s hard to see past our own idea of integrity and to objectively view ourselves through God’s eyes. Fortunately, God looks at us with grace.

Can You Pass 3rd Grade?

ADDICTING!!! Meaningless relaxation!! BE FORWARNED!!

When you have a spare moment and need to check your "memory bank" -


Click here: http://www.pibmug.com/files/map_test.swf

YOu have XX number of time to place all the State in their proper spot.

Clean up Clean Up Everybody do their share

Wow. I feel really good about what was done on the outside of our house today. The front of the house has all the "white trash" stuff picked up. Even tho Garbage day isn't until Monday, we put it all out now. The Gliding machine, the box of moldy books, a bunch of leaves, clothes, etc. I swept up a bunch of glass that had been there, WIlliam and Don took tons of stuff out to the fire pit to be burned.

I got a couple Dr. Suess books out of the garage for Joy..she is WANTING CHAPTER books!! It's so different the difference in kids. WIlliam, taught himself to read at 3, Helena didn't WANT to read until she was 8, and Now JOY...is doing great in 1st grade, age six.

There are a bunch..a gaggle, a goggle, a Waddle? of turkeys in the back field, looking pretty happy they escaped the cooker!

Planning on taking a nap, taking a shower which I haven't done yet today, and Lori and Brad and kids are coming over tonight.

AND..be ye thankful

I'm overwhelmed with grace and Thankfulness. I have been showered with love from my Church family, I am alive, My kids are great....I"m not in pain. I'm not even going to say I wish I was working. I know I'm not strong enough yet.

Reminds me of the Doxology: Praise God from whom all blessing flow...Praise him all creatures Here below...Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost...

"Oh I wanna be a Clone"

I've gone through so much other stuff
That walking down the aisle was tough
But now I know it's not enough -
I Want To Be A Clone.
I asked the Lord into my heart.
They said that that's the way to start,
But now you've got to play the part.
I Want To Be A Clone.

Be a clone and kiss conviction goodnight.
Cloneliness is next to godliness - RIGHT!
I'm grateful that they showed the way
'Cause I could never know the way
To serve him on my own -
I Want To Be A Clone.

They told me that I'd fall away
Unless I followed what they say;
Who needs the Bible anyway?
I Want To Be A Clone.
Their language, it was new to me,
But "Christianese" got through to me;
Now I can speak it fluently.
I Want To Be A Clone.

Be a clone . . .

"Send in the clones......"
(Uh, I kinda wanted to tell some of my friends and people about it,
you know?)
WHAT????
You're still a babe, you have to grow,
Give it twenty years or so.
'Cause if you want to be one of his,
Gotta act like one of US!

Be a clone . . .

So now I see the whole design:
My church is an assembly line.
The parts are there, I'm feeling fine.
I Want To Be A Clone.
I've learned enough to stay afloat,
But not so much I rock the boat.
I'm glad they shoved it down my throat -
I Want To Be A Clone!

(Everybody must get cloned

Crummy Church Signs

Crummy Church Signs

Farewell, my friend, Farewell...

Written by: Neil Diamond and Alan Lindgren

Hello again, hello
Just called to say 'hello'
I couldn't sleep at all tonight
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait

Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you every night
When I'm here alone
And you're there at home
Hello

Maybe it's been crazy
And maybe I'm to blame
But I put my heart above my head
We've been thru it all
And you loved me just the same
And when you're not there
I just need to hear

Hello, my friend, hello
It's good to need you so
It's good to love you like I do
And to feel this way
When I hear you say
Hello

Hello, my friend, hello
Just called to let you know
I think about you every night
And I know it's late
But I couldn't wait
Hello

TOmorrow...Denise and Joe are packing up what they can take..and leaving. I'm very sad. I feel very bad. Denise is a True friend...but Damn she can hold a grudge. Denise and I were very similar. She has a bigger mouth though and is louder. They were on a balloon mortgage,,,and the mortgage kept increaseing my hundereds every other month. Her husband Joe...doesn't work..hasn't worked, Hopefully WILL work soon tho...but htey are Broke. tHey are getting NO unemployment now...their house is in forclosure and is being sold November 30th....new siding and roof on it.
Denise...can always make me laugh. SHe is brilliant in People matters. Calls em crazy if they are and a phoney if they are. She is Loyal...until you screw her..then WATCH out.
I dont think she really "gets" Christ completly. We had a very tender time of prayer with them last night.
Lori and I are going over there tomorrow to shovel into garbage bags all the trashe on so on. I am starting to feel very abaondoned...like the Scab of the Ryerse's leaving just won't heal...it keeps leaking , and bleeding in so many differnt ways.ANd I'm left with a piss stained carpet, sagging floor and nasty bathroom in my heart. I"m very very sad. and I'm sort of surprised at how TERRY+IBLEY sad i am. NOt like i dont have enough to mourn in my life right now.....but NOOOO I gotta pick something else.
Shit.


TO

Wiiiiiiiiiii Wiiiiiii

Wii wii Wii all the way home.
For those not in the know...that's the new Nintendo Gaming system. William had been saving money for months (the system is 250)..he saved his bday money...worked jobs for mom etc. This new system..is very "virtual Reality"....we got an extra Wand, so two can play. They were not to release it until 7 tomorrow morning, so we were in for the long haul. I took a small heater, electric blanket etc. I dropped William off at 6, and then went to Lori's for a going away dinner for Denise and Joe. They leave for SC on Tuesday. (Denise is NOT going to be able to get Unemployment from the Reservation, and the house is being sold NOvember 30th).
ANYWAY>>>>>I digress:
How can you say NO to a kid ...when you really think..well gees, We are going to NEED that money to LIVE!!....Anyway...There was a line forming at Wal-mart. This after William called about 10 stores to get their gory details of "release dates". I got a call from him about 8:30 (his friend and mom and dad waited with him for a while so he was not left there alone)....that they were going to re open at midnight. HALELUJAH. I get the "credit" for being a mom that WOULD spend the night ..with out having too. I'm still pretty fragile, and really did not cherish the idea. However..I was certainly able to stay VERY warm with our equipment.
So...we just played golf, bowling and uploaded pics from the camara. It is SOOO cool.

and...I guess I'm cool, cause now William is calling me "gamermom". I like that handle.

I"m falling in love..

Yah..not really the proper thing for a married woman to say is it. Well I"m not very usual I guess ... and I'm getting tired of people guessing they know what is going on with me.
Yes, I am staying with Don because of the kids.

I Suppose this New "affair" as some would call it should be hidden, and done sereptitiously, over coffee and bagels on a side street somewhere. Maybe next to my favorite coffee shop in Saginaw "the Red Eye" next to the tattoo shop.

And no this isn't some rambling about how Jesus is my boyfriend or some whack a doo thing.
When a Married women fesses up to her female friends all atwitter with the juicy tidbits of gossip..it should certainly have lenghty discussions and secretive phone calls some with Text messages. However..I figured I"d put it out here on the blog and friends ( the very unfortunate few that even bother) can read it on here, from me first. Yes. I am a Married woman with kids, and I'm falling or In love with a Man. A man very different from the man I Married. Of course here is the place that the one that is cheating lists ALL the reasons why the "man they married" is no longer good enough, doesn't care, is always working etc....and what the NEW guy HAS....which in my case is: "He genuinly cares for me for my own long term good", he makes me laugh as the man I married USED to make me laugh", he is attentive in conversation, and seems to enjoy deep intellegent conversation with ME, He quotes me sometimes, so I know he is listening to me. He sees many of my strenghts that are RIGHT OUT THERE,and COMMENTS on them. The guy I married..well he didn't notice things a whole lot.

well. I am. There I state it. I'm not "falling" in love. I am IN love....I see all the symptoms--giggles, heart beat picks up a bit...the joy when the one you love ANSWERS the Phone and you hear THAT voice. Looking out the window when you think you may catch a glimps of him. GOT IT. IF I can 't eat something, he won't eat it either, or will doctor it up so I can eat it.
This started sort of by mistake, all good affairs do don't they?

This guys relative worked with me, I went to an after work party, and met HIM. HIM who makes me laugh and thinks I"m just fine when I'm not "ON". Him...who I can be the MOST real with, the most ME with, in good or in bad times. We were just going to be friends, we knew a lot of the same people. Accidently and on purpose showed up at various "friend's" houses, then be surprised when you KNEW the other would be there.
Well.Yah..we were Friends first...then...there has also been...the first tentative KiSS. It was silly and stupid and you would think I wouldn't remember it...but I do. He was walking me out to my car after an event..held my door open...and QUICK kissed me. Right on the lips too. I think I pulled him in a little closer. I wanted More.
Oh well that's past the point of no return.
So then this new guy...well..He likes my kids too. The kids like him. I know...its so BAD to introduce your biological children to one's New love, But I had too. He was going to be hanging around...and I was tired of living pretense. The kids have seen me kissing the new guy, and I'd blown it off often enough that it was just a PECK. But I wanted more. They aren't dumb. They could see the change in me. One of my kids even asked recently, "but Mom...do you Really LOVE HIM??"...which I thought would be sort of awckward, but it wasn't. YES Dear I REALLY do love him.
I love how he accepts me completly, wether I am sick or bitchy, or snotty or Snooty.
I love how he REALLY thinks of my well being, seemingly before his own...he even has told me if I have nightmares if he's spending the night that I can wake him up and we'll talk about them.
He has supported my wild eyed pie in the God Scheme pie ideas That I think we could do to "Minister" together. I know I know...Kind of early to think about how you can "Minister" with your new love when the old one is still around, but more and more churches are accepting this as our society changes. This new guy...just kills me and makes me laugh...makes me understand that even like NOW when I am SOOO Sick, that i dont have to DO anything...just GET BETTER, that If I Dont GET BETTTER, than all of our naughty plans are brought to nothing. Health is the number one priority .
Oh I gotta bring up the kids again. When the guy I married is Gone...THIS guy...actually makes dinners that the KIDS REQUST!!! How wacko is that!!! If Joy wants mandarin oranges...he'll look to see if we have them...or makes spagettii for WIlliam...he's already Learned that's his favorite.
I' know I'll probably lose friends over this...but I had to get it out in the open. My new guy, I'm going to keep him over the man I married. I like him more, respect him more, cherish him more. He cherishes ME. The other night...he even told me I was "THE B WORD"..and it wasn't Bitch...He told me I was BEAUTIFUL. wow. It's been years since I heard that.
When I was in the hospital...he helped me all he could without it really infringing on his responsibilities. He held me when I was crying, encouraged me, and was loving and kind. He could never stay too long because he was helping me take care of my business on other fronts.
Yep, I love this new guy---who is the Old guy I married , now...even more than before. I feel blessed beyound words.
May each of you cherish your spouses, and be thankful for yours,as I am my New/Old Spouse, Don. I love you Don, and cherish the changes you have made in our marriage, and friendship.

WAIT

I so want to scream that out. WAIT...why should these awful things happen to me? WAIT...I don't want my kids to be sick!! WAIT....Why should I be in such awful pain??? WAIT...its NOT FAIR. WAIT!!! I don't want to be depressed!! WAIT!!!

"those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength". What an amazing verse to have to revisit in a new portion of my life. I used to concentrate on the STRENGTH part...now...I"m concentrating onthe "Renew" part.
Thou...who knowest my inwardmost part...renew them.....heal them. Just as my intestines can't handle my own poop, so my heart has been filled with shit. Anger, fear, pissed offed ness.
Yet...I am still told to WAIT on the Lord. I gave up years ago asking WHY. Its just the lot of life. It's a useless question with no proper answer.

I am tired, I am weak, I am without strength, and yet the Lord still says to WAIT on Him? Then I get Renewed? then I get Strength? WIll I ever feel renewed and strong again?
WIll I ever be able to eat without wondering if I am going to puke or be able to poop it out?
What use is it to spend ten days in the hospital when I can't remember a lot of it? Through the veil of pain, and meds a few things stand out. I guess that will have to be another post.

May Peace be upon us

After pickiing up middle daughter from School Tuesday, and helping her as she barfed...I thought we were done. On Weds after all the kids got to school, I started in. Severe Cramping, puking...malaise as I have not known. I had a huge monthly meeting I am in charge of...called people and told them they were on their own.
I went back to bed.
Late afternoon, a friend called, very upset. Don and I have a ministry of food, so we made some food and took it over. I am still evaluating what happened, but I was put into a position of "arbitrator", and it actually worked very well. Amazing how God sometimes gives you the boldness and the words just at the right time.
I'm showered, and clothed, and going to try and go to work. I feel weak, but I need to show my face.

BRACE yourself...

SO I thought That all of our sickness was done...all the kids went back to school yesterday..Joy and William went to dance class...and I was finally able to go into the office.
I was debating about how to get to the funeral dinner thing for Sandy, and help out etc...when..THE PHONE RANG...and it was the School saying Helena was barfing, and um...needed to be picked up.
She continued to barf, and barf.
However...
She was well enough to make her dentist appt. this afternoon. I made appts for all 3 kids.
Helena: needs braces. The side of her jaw on one side is sloping inward, she is missing 3 teeth (there are no teeth under her baby teeth to come in), and she doesn't have any cavitites, but she may need a Crown!! Ugh.
Joy: Has 3 cavities, and she did just Great. She loved seeing her teeth on TV...he has a small pencil camara that captures pictures/videos of the teeth, helps with documentation for INsurance claims too.
William has 2 cavities...his teeth MEET DIRECTLY, and the Dentist would Like him to think about Braces to make a better bite, but he is in NO WAY interested.
Got a great tip on flossing..Doc says to wrap the thread around your MIDDLE finger, that way you have more room to floss and can reach back better.
Lori and the kids came over tonight...Don made chicken and biscuits..Good stuff.
Watched "Inside Man"...it was a little rough ..difficult to follow with so many kids running around. Denzel tho...whew!.

States let's see if this works

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

HOlloween Hangman

http://www.dedge.com/flash/hangman/

A talking skeleton eggs on your foolish choices. Complete waste of time. Somehow..>REALLLY made me laugh.

Dont forget to work

In the middle of all this also...I have to try and be working by the computer, which was not set up because of the remodel. Then Today is CHILI day at work, and another girl and I are the only ones bringing in chili to sell for the Christmas program. Oh yah. This is really starting to Suck. Joy stayed home again today...
Then tomorrow...the kids have the day off, and I have to go to "Leadership Gratiot"...an all day gig. Bus ride all over to see the County...I am looking forward to that but have no idea what to do with the kids.
Donna

LET's Get sued...pneumonias not enough

SO..in the midst of sick kids, unfinished Remodeling, and bad weather..I had to go to Court on Tuesday morning. A former tenant at the duplex I rent out was suing me.
She moved out because she couldn't pay the rent. (DOH)..She was getting subsidized housing through various means, had a Social WOrker who came with her when she first looked at the Apartment.
The Social Worker assured Don that this was a stable individual, kept clean house, and that Everything was in order for her to get her money.
WELL...except that pesky first months rent check. Then ....They requested I drop her rent $65 a month, as .."it was beyond her budget". I refused, told her I could not 'eat" that ..and asked her to move out. She says I gave her 2 weeks, I say what difference does it make she wasn't paying anyway.
So when she moved out..she never returned the keys, nor left a forwarding address. Ok. SOOO no way I can SEND her anything.
She calls a couple times, I didn't get right back to her I was gone...then she leaves Vulgar messages and swears at me.
I call her Social Worker. Tell her..She is NOT getting her deposit back UNTIL she Returns the keysj!!! What is up with THAT???? Plus it is in Michigan Rental / Landlord law..."within FOUR days"//return blah blah

SOOO long story short.....We got to deduct 100 bucks, and have to mail her the rest.
Hub was VERY supportive. The Social WOrker kept trying to worm her way out of where she had put herself. It was BECAUSE of her that we rented to this bitch. It doesn't matter if she was requested to move within 2 weeks or a month...SHE WASN"T PAYING!!!!
Once again...the Court system sucks.

Dere's sickness in da house

Woe is me. Last week, 2 daughters were sick...pneumonia. Had hub take them to doctor which he prescribed antibiotic, and did NOT give breathing treatment to the youngest. I KNEW she HAD to have it or she would get much worse. That was Tues. Weds...Son wakes up...passes out (literally) in his room, hit paint can, which pops open spewing new blue paint all over the floor (which I had just pulled the carpet up from and is all hard wood floors).
Son gets better after 2 days.
Four days later..g.et a call from his friends mom where he is staying that he was "sleeping" a lot. Ok..I didn't think much about it...Picked him up..he looked TERRIBLE. Took him home, he slept from 11 in the morning till 9 the next morning when I took him to the doctor.
Meanwhile His 6 year old sister "can't Breathe". I am sick. Sore throat, not thinking straight. My girlfriend Lori calls, says DONNA....JOY CAN"T BREATHE>>Take her to ER. I'm like..OH...she can't...Oh should I ...when I 've KNOWN for days thats what she needed. I"m pissed I did'nt listen to myself.
SOO....take Joy to ER, they finally give her a breathing treatment, take her 0x levels, and do a chest Xray. She feels a little better.
Monday...Both son and daughter go to Doctor, then have to take Son to ER for Xrays..(small hospital). Then Take xrays back to Doctor..He has pnumonia/bronchitis.
He gets a z pack.
6 year old....I INSIST that I get a nebulizer to take home for breathing treatments. This is CRAP!! Shes had pnumonia at least 5 times each for the last 2 years.
I FINALLY get home, give BOTH of them breathing treatments, arn't even DONE yet, and the school calls.
Yes. The School.
The OTHER kid....twisted her ankle in Gym, and they think it's broken. It was hugely swollen, up over her shoe. I am numb. I am dead tired. I pick her up. Take her to the ER. Wait around (again). SHe gets it xrayed...no break...severe sprain..they wrap it up.
So in one week, 4 visits to Doctor, 3 to ER, and two dental appointments. (don and I got cleanings done).
somehow...this should be a blues song.

Seared with Scars....

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Kahlil Gibran

I Don't even know where to begin. The last few weeks have been very long. No ONE thing..just the complications of living, and the way we have to continuously Breathe, breathe Breathe.

I'm tired of having a Strong Soul. I have enough Scars. I don't need any more "Character". I've developed enough.

God Help me. Is there Joy to be had?

Two moms at parenting classes I taught on Saturday told me they were Suicidal. One had four kids, one had I think 3 or 4, with her 18 yr old niece living with her. COmplicated lives. Complicated problems. Emotional puking on a stranger. Is that what we do? Is that what Counseling is for..so we can control who we puke our emotional baggage on? I went several months ago..in the Spring, after the D.C. trip. I just wanted OUT. I was exhausted, tired of my life.
Not in "ending it all". Just bored of the tendium. Bored of having to breathe. I know that sounds awful...But..its exhausting just to live.