Sunday, February 25, 2007

Are you your birthday?

Well, I'm not an Island, I don't despise authority, but I do tend to "see" things.

Your Birthdate: September 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Lunch time gossip

Well..that was some post.
So now on to something else.
I know, I'm not supposed to listen or spread it. I try VERY hard not to spread it. But..if you don't know the person's involved..isn't it more like a story?
I had a fun lunch today. Listened to lots of "stories". Laughed my head off, forgot the world, and just enjoyed myself. No alcohol involved. Chinese food, hot tea, and sugar biscuits.
Hard to beat that combination.
Oh yah...and I didn't pay.

Bearing someone else's burden

In Love and Logic, in which I am a facilitator, a child/family discipline-the main theme is "Putting the burden of the problem back on to the person it belongs to".
I've had problems with this lately. Someone has hurt me, stomped on my friendship, and my heart.
I'll call them "Greeny". We've known each other for years, been really close the last couple of years. This is the person in January I was bitching about who had stabbed me in the back etc. Please keep in mind I'm just trying to VENT right now, tomorrow I may feel a "time capsule" am writing now. I gotta find a way to put this off of my shoulders.
So...I would have done just about anything for this person. I have lied for them, and now they've called me dishonest. I've covered their back, and then they think I'm out to get them. I have never had any thing..but this person's best interest at heart.
I feel like Cathy Bates in the King my friends...I am loyal..."I"m your deepest fan". Instead..I am the one that gets cobbled.

It's very weird.
I did find out my "deficiencies', as Greeny sees them which have been broiling or simmering for months.
I got sick, very sick. VERY VERY sick. I don't know why Greeny doesn't get how sick I was, and still am. I was released from the hospital. I was STILL SICK--and Greeny wanted me to do something the next day. I couldn't. I asked if they were nuts. Greeny took great offense. I see asking someone "ARE YOU NUTS" as a non answerable question. Greeny took it to heart.

Greeny, had plans which were made that included me, but that they never bothered to SPEAK to me, or tell me or hint at. Greeny had them in their head, never told me, and yet somehow, this is my fault and it becomes my problem. Well I have problems with that.

Greeny decided I was "moving" on. Moving on from What?? From being friends? From being companions? I don't understand that. Greeny can't take the time for me locally, but wants me to travel over 2 hours for lunch.?? Still while I am recovering and NOT back to work yet. Even If I felt well was I going to get gas money when we didn't have enough food? Bills not being paid, Michigan winter? Hello...I have 3 kids...Babysitter???
I guess it comes down sometimes to convenience--being in "community" sometimes is NOT convenient. My expectation is simply to be treated FAIRLY. I guess that is too much to ask. Maybe sometimes in this community we have to bear 'one another's burdens'...but not unjustly. Right?

How does one "move on" in friendship?
I understand the concept..I get that..but one does not just CUT OFF all contact with a person, without talking about it. Well I guess sometimes "one" does. LOL.
This has happened before, when the nasty ex-pastor took information "culled" from me, and told my good friend--who proceeded to cut me (and the entire church) off. NO Phone calls, no Emails...No discussion, No option. This after camping, sharing meals, movies, secrets, vacations. My current situation just exasperates the former. Its a scab that has been healing, then is ripped open again. My ex moved out the same way. This does not bode well for continued contact. Hmn...maybe that's why I have such a deep sense of fair play. Or NOT fair play. It simply is not Fair...anyway a person looks at it.
So, Greeny feels all better, and I feel like I've been puked on, punched out, and left deserted. I sure am thirsty.
I wish I could get Greenies monkey off my back.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Talking to God.

igod although meant to be funny, I was touched. Maybe because I"m out of my meds. I still thought it was cool.

Now you CAN talk to God.

Old Friends

While in Bible College, one of the Associate Pastors stated over and over again, 'don't ever give away a book or a gun'. OR loan them. well I've broken both rules, except for the guns. I've loaned and lost MANY books, but I see it as a part of my mission. If I buy "Co-dependent no more" one more time......!!!!
I was inspired by my blogger friend who has ALL the Perry Mason books except one. Should she search for and buy the LAST one?
For me, I was able to keep my sanity much longer than I should have (HA) by reading Westerns in Oklahoma City. Somehow, Zane Grey, and Louis L'Amour. Louis taught me that if you are entering a dark area, from the light, (in his books it was walking away from the campfire into the woods),,,, to close your eyes, and and wait a second or two. Then When you open your eyes, they will be adjusted to the darkness and you can see immediately. There was Max Brand too, but I only read him in a pinch.
I also learned that the Hero's in L'Amour's books know how to treat "their women". Except it is singular. Woman. One. One that has their heart, One that they seek. One. It helped me realize that the preacher boy I was married to was snarky, slimy and a cheater.
It helped give me strength to realize God doesn't require me to stay married to someone who does not have my heart. When Someone "counsels" many other women, it is NOT an act of love toward their wife.
Louis L'Amour called him all kinds of names, Snakes, Grass Eaters, Poisonous Side winder,
Villian, False friend or Pebble eater.
Yep. I like that. And so thankful that God saw through my wilderness, and brought me through to a "lively" western town, where "people are good, and share meals with strangers."

Monday, February 19, 2007

Tilmann enjoyed computers, sailing - News

Tilmann enjoyed computers, sailing - News

Having one car...Mid winter blahs...

Really sucks.
We are still driving the "other" car..but it is with constant worry about the engine siezing up, getting stranded, breaking down.
We're broke. We don't have the 1500 it would cost to fix the Volvo. We can't figure ( I say "we" but mostly it's on the hub) out if we should fix the Car, or get a different one.
It would be SOO nice to have a reliable car to take out of town (if I ever COULD get out of town). Even driving to Midland or Lansing is scary.
I'm so tired, burned out, I simply can't seem to be much part of the conversation. I feel like I'm walking through Syrup or something, always seem to be slowly moving , afraid to wipe out-my leg/ankle is REALLY acting up, I'm out of most of my prescriptions, I feel like I have the flu all the time from the Diverticulosis, and I'm cranky.
I'm mad when I yell at the kids. I"m frustrated I am not a better house keeper.
Ok..I guess I better sign off Cause I feel the tears starting to well up, and NO I"m not PMSing.

Richard Anthony Tilmann obit

Richard Anthony Tilmann, Jr.
September 18, 1943 - February 12, 2007

Richard Anthony Tilmann, Jr., age 63, of Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, passed away on Monday, February 12, 2007 in Mt. Pleasant.
A celebration of Richard’s life will be held on Saturday, February 24, 2007 at the Ziibiwing Cultural Center, 6650 E. Broadway, Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, (phone 989-775-4750) beginning with hors d’oeuvres and refreshments served at a reception from 5-6 p.m., followed by a tribute to Richard’s life, with a dinner for friends and relatives following the tribute.
Friends wishing to remember Richard with a memorial contribution have been asked to consider Hospice of Central Michigan or HATS (Humane Animal Treatment Society). Envelopes are available at the Helms Funeral Home in Mt. Pleasant.
Richard was born on Saturday, September 18, 1943 in Shreveport, Louisiana, the son of Richard Anthony and Dorothy Alice (Kroll) Tilmann. He married Catherine A. (Habes) Ford on July 27, 1996 in Mt. Pleasant. Richard was a resident of the area since 1967. A man of many talents, Richard retired from the Saginaw Chippewa Indian Tribe where he was employed for 15 years, retiring as the Business Development Director. He taught at the college level at Northwood Institute and at Central Michigan University in the IT Department. Richard was likely the first person in Mt. Pleasant to own a personal computer. He enjoyed ‘playing’ with the many computers he had at home. He enjoyed working with Linux, and wrote his own computer language called Data Basic, and owned and operated a company in downtown Mt. Pleasant called Data Basic. When he taught computer classes at CMU, he was on the leading edge of computer technology. Richard enjoyed science fiction, painting, playing poker, and had continually evolving interests and hobbies. He was a very eclectic man.
Survivors include his wife, Cathy; a daughter Gwynn Stangle Tilmann and her fiancé Bradley Holley of Mt. Pleasant; his mother, Dorothy Tilmann of Elkhart, Indiana; three brothers, Barry and Marci Tilmann of Safety Harbor, Florida, Steve Tilmann and his wife Adrian Bass of Charlotte, Michigan, and Doug and Betty Tilmann of Elkhart, Indiana; sister, Sherry and (James) Hood of Jackson, Michigan; brother-in-law, Bob and Cathy Habes of St. Charles, Illinois, and John J. Habes and Kathy Buckland of Glenview, Illinois, his dear and trusted friend, Sharon Tilmann of Mt. Pleasant, and extended family, Dave, Patty, Vicki, and Stephen Krcmarik and Loretta Judge Ruby, all of Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, several aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends. He was preceded in death by his father, Richard (Dick) Tilmann.

Friday, February 16, 2007


I"m So thankful for Ithaca.
I had training for 5 new foster families for this weekend. The location I had did not work out at the last minute...well actually a DAY before 5 families were going to get trained.
I called my church, it was available.
How cool is that.
One of the new foster mom's said the "coffee house church" in Mt. P was a "sister" church to theirs in Greenville.
FIVE new homes. That is the number the Licenser did in ALL of last year. I had to do some Statistics for "end of year" yesterday. It makes me sick. At one point I had over TWENTY people waiting to be licensed. They get tired of no action....they find something else to do.

I worked 8-4 for Leadership Gratiot, immediately started working on the training stuff. Training started at 5, at Ithaca Baptist, we went till ten. Have to be back there to START at 8 am..and will go till five.
I was able to figure out how to show Videos on the BIG SCREEN tho..thats really cool.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Bizarro Church World

"Extend the hand of Christian Fellowship". Yup.
Got the letter from Ex-church today. Problems? nope..Not usually, except this is from the Pastor that kicked me out of his church. Told me I was a terrible mother for working part time and Homeschooling.
He told me that "Until I make things right with him and his wife that I was not to talk or approach any of his family members. He said I was trying to "sabotage" his church. This from the guy that Coaxed confidential information from me as his role of "pastor", then used it publicly.
He DID have the (to use Christianese) the "gift of Church Growth"....He grew it from about 40 down to the 7 family members.
He had gotten into a fight with my husband, (unsaved at the time), over stupid kid stuff, and wanted me to side with him. Hub asked me to just STAY OUT OF I was out of state and not involved at the time. I did. Then...the NASTY emails he sent. Yikes. I tried to "make it right" several times, but I had done nothing wrong. Eventually I left...("maybe you ought to leave right now"), and found a Great emerging church....with love, Small groups, and Rick Warren.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Richard, Uncle Richard to the kids, is gone.

Passed away. This morning. His belly and mine when I was pregnant for
Richard is Cathy's delight. The love of her life. The...true thing. Cathy is my Mentor, friend, encourager. Cathy cares about my kids accomplishments, helping me homeschool them.
My heart is breaking with her pain. She would rush home to get him lunch, traveled to the UP for their vacation every year. She exemplified the "being one" with your spouse. She adores Richard. Their wedding was a garden party. it was great.I already miss him so.

Coffee house Church

So my mom had surgery last Thursday, and I was staying at her house. I attended a local church there I have been wanting to go to for over a year.
It seems emergent, has coffee style worship (thanks for the tables...a GREAT way to worship/be able to take notes rather than on my lap). I was tired. Exhausted both mentally and spiritually. My mom is nut job, and she isn't getting any nicer. I went to church with a guy I know that is also looking for a church. I left feeling refreshed, and having been challenged toward Holiness.
I didn't have to work at being made to feel at home. Thank you greeters. Thank you Coffee makers. My 6 y.o. was thrilled to have hot choc.

Thank you for protecting my kids (as a fomer parole agent, I love the fact that the Children's worker's husband is a State Trooper, and they ACTUALLY have a sign in / out and do background checks or at least an App for workers) I especially appreciate this as I check at every church..."Do not release my child before I personally pick them up"..One of the churches I attended in N. Carolina had a child abduction from the nursery. YES it happens. Joy told me later that when she was going potty, she got locked in the stall. Because they had sent someone with her, the worker crawled under the stall and unlocked it. Can you imagine how SCARED a 6 year old would a new church, knowing no one, and being LOCKED in the Bathroom??? Maybe she would have thought to crawl under. I don't think so tho.

They are having a couples night on Sat which we are planning to attend-along with our former group members. (Having a "Potluck" in the future which made me laugh as they were trying to come up with a kitchy phrase instead of Potluck. I guess the Pastor said..HEY...IT IS what it is...Its LUCK which pot you get!!).

I talked to one guy who said that the Church was looking at Missions outreach. Maybe this is why God has me there. Maybe they can help me/team with The Russian trip. I have to come up with a name for this outreach.
MAYBE...Maybe...I would so like to find a Church Home where I felt I belonged and could serve.
The Video (The pastor and wiffy were gone)...was of Louie Giglio. I"m going to post under a different heading on this.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Christianese quote thrown at me.... in a recent conversation regarding how/where I could be of service to a local church, after having discussed mutual friends, mutual acquaintances, my Educational history, my desire to serve, what I have to offer, The Pastor eventually does the low down "christian speak" that NoBody else understands, ---

"Yah...but I don't know you, I have to protect my flock".

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Today's quote "Its a LOT better than..."

So I"m teaching a Love and Logic ( )Class, I have 13 students. I will probably add more next week.
I have a VERY eclectic group...several are "Court Ordered" to be there for Parenting classes, a couple Foster Parents, and a mom who lost one of her children's dad's recently...etc.
I was able to "Fully Engage" everyone in class..a real challenge as the two Dad's did NOT want to be there, and body language confirmed it. HOWEVER...due to my astute skills, They were involved, answering questions, and laughing.
One guy..walking out..said to someone else...I happened to over hear..
"WEll this is better than I thought it would be. It's a LOT better than A.A.".


Sunday, February 04, 2007

Pending Russian Law could threaten Christian Outreach

Pending Russian law could threaten Christian outreach
Allie Martin OneNewsNow.comFebruary 1, 2007 hands in jail

The Slavic Gospel Association says a new law that will soon take effect in Russia could have a chilling impact on Christian churches and ministries in the former communist country.
Hear This Report

A spokesman with the Slavic Gospel Association (SGA) says Christians in Russia face uncertain times because of a new religion law due to take effect this spring that would impose registration and reporting restrictions on churches. The "law on non-governmental organizations" set to take effect in Russia in April reportedly would require non-governmental groups (NGOs), including churches, to register with state agencies. The groups would also be required to list their funding sources and provide records of all meetings.

In an interview with Mission Network News, David Genn of the Slavic Gospel Association says many evangelicals are concerned about the pending legislation and its anticipated detrimental effect on outreach efforts -- and are praying for God's intervention.

"[Those of us] here in the West who are aware of this [are] praying that God would stay the implementation of this because there's a number of laws on the books over there, if they were enforced, that would be significantly limiting to the church," Genn shares.

The SGA official explains that in various regions of the country, laws that may have been implemented are not necessarily enforced because of the relationship that already exists between local church pastors and local government officials.

"And so we would pray first of all that God might stay this [new law] -- and if it is implemented, that God would give favor with these brothers with the local government authorities," he says.

Genn recently returned from Russia as part of a Christmas outreach to children.

Friday, February 02, 2007

a fall TO Grace

Somehow I started getting the magazine "RELEVANT" this article: A Fall to Grace
Author and pastor Ed Young writes about how moral failings among Christians (whether in a high-profile setting or individual basis) isn’t a fall from God’s grace, but rather to it.

I like this thought. I like it alot. He goes on to talk about how we REALLY think that God's Grace IS limited. Yah...people have to Ask publicly for forgiveness, then stay in the background a while, then Finally, after years they can "resume" leadership. I understand that if you make a mistake, have an affair or whatever that you have to get over it. I used to think-my hyper fundy background-that "they" were done forever. They will NEVER be any good to God anymore.
As Sienfield would say..."What's up with that". Especially in Pastor-dom, I've seen a lot. I've seen Pastors manipulate circumstances so that nothing is their fault. I"ve seen them...Flirt, Flex, and "Fall from grace". All that training, all that leadership POOF...what..they become telephone book advertising salesmen?

Please give me some room here. I"m just thinking out loud. We (and by that I mean ME) need to be a whole lot less condemning.
Personally, I am one of THE most accepting people that I've ever met. Really. I can talk to anyone-high brow, low brow, uni-brow or Pierced brow.

I like what Ed Young in the article asks: "Do we REALLY believe in Grace"? If we do..maybe we (I) can be less caustic when it comes to others. Not even "Those in leadership". Just "People". Like Me.