I so want to scream that out. WAIT...why should these awful things happen to me? WAIT...I don't want my kids to be sick!! WAIT....Why should I be in such awful pain??? WAIT...its NOT FAIR. WAIT!!! I don't want to be depressed!! WAIT!!!
"those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength". What an amazing verse to have to revisit in a new portion of my life. I used to concentrate on the STRENGTH part...now...I"m concentrating onthe "Renew" part.
Thou...who knowest my inwardmost part...renew them.....heal them. Just as my intestines can't handle my own poop, so my heart has been filled with shit. Anger, fear, pissed offed ness.
Yet...I am still told to WAIT on the Lord. I gave up years ago asking WHY. Its just the lot of life. It's a useless question with no proper answer.
I am tired, I am weak, I am without strength, and yet the Lord still says to WAIT on Him? Then I get Renewed? then I get Strength? WIll I ever feel renewed and strong again?
WIll I ever be able to eat without wondering if I am going to puke or be able to poop it out?
What use is it to spend ten days in the hospital when I can't remember a lot of it? Through the veil of pain, and meds a few things stand out. I guess that will have to be another post.