Thursday, November 20, 2014

Foreign Exchange Students

SO. We have TWO foreign exchange students in our house along with my Senior Student and Freshman Daughter. One girl Mo is from Germany, Sani is from Finland. It has been eye opening. I have learned the truth, that I HAVE GREAT KIDS. My girls have given up, given in so much for these other two girls...have shared friends, lunch tables and dance lessons.

I know they are also learning that you don't always get much return on investments. One girl started immediately complaining about her room. The carpet was icky. (we tore it up). Then, The floor is worse now than it was with the carpet. (we got an area rug). Her infectious negativism is affecting the other. But...then we find out what the REAL problem is..and it is she is VERY homesick. Her Grandpa has cancer and she is afraid he is going to die.

Then..they both requested to "move"...which is an entire process in and of itself. They have to investigate, and inspect and question. It really sucks. It sucks because I have offered the Absolute BEST we have, and someone finds it not good enough. It is not even a "sort of " slap in the face it IS a slap in the face.

Then, Last night Finland Girl has a Cross Country end of the year dinner. We all go to support her. She announces that her mom approved for her to go to Hawaii for 8-10 days in February. That just again shows that these exchange students are Way out of my league for money. I wasn't trying to compete, but the best we have I am sure really is FAR below what they have at home. Lesson Learned. I'm sure I have many more to learn.

States I have been too... I Think

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Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Sara and Carl and Baby Katherine Joy

by Emily Hanson
Sara gave me permission to share their birth story:

"On Wednesday July 30th at around 730pm. Sara went into active labor. However it became clear to Sara somewhere around 10pm that safest place for her to be was the hospital. So Carl helped Sara into the vehicle to get to the hospital. On the way there however the contractions became to intense for Sara to bare while in the car. They pulled over and immediately dialed 911. Ambulance came to her rather quickly but to everyone involved it just looked like a normal laboring pregnant woman. Sara continued to feel intense contractions but knew something wasn't right. They rushed her to the closest hospital and performed an ultrasound to find that baby Katherine no longer had a heartbeat. A doctor ordered an emergency c section and they rushed Sara back into the operating room. Once the surgery began the doctors found that Sara's uterus had ruptured causing baby Katherine to come out of the uterus and slide into the upper abdomen. Baby Katherine was born at 12:10am on July 31st. The doctors tried to bring her back but it was too late. They focused next on Sara's life and on saving her fertility. We are so grateful that the Lord spared Sara's life but we grieve a deep grief for her baby Katherine loss."
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Our precious Katherine Joy...born into her heavenly Father's arms July 31st,2014  12:10am, 10pds 7oz. I

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Changes - Great teachers Ms. Finding

We recently went back to Kalamazoo where we lived for transition year. It was a miserable time for me most of the time. I was caring for my mom, had a great job for 7 weeks, Spouse went wacko. In the midst of all of this though was a person who cared for my daughter. My tears are starting to squirt as I type. Ms. Finding was the Video production instructor at Milwood Magnet School.
I was crazy that year. I had moved down there because I got a great job with a local agency. After I had completed WAY more work in a very short period of time, they "Lost Funding for the Job". I had already enrolled my 3 kids in the school system, signed a $1100 a month year lease, and moved. Ms. Finding was the grounding force for Helena all year. 
We recently went back. My oldest son, WILL is transferring from Mid Michigan community college to Western. He's finishing up his last math class now. By Transferring, he was have completed his Associates, and is going into Broadcasting and Journalism. 
He learned enough to be comfortable in Kalamazoo. 
He wants to get out of Mt. Pleasant. 
He will do great. 
Helena is doing great. Joy little one is doing great. I have been BLESSED by great kids, and their great teachers. I know that Ms. Findling, helped save my daughter that year, and I will be forever indebted. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Death Becomes Me

I've been helping an acquaintance with the complicated in's and out's of getting Guardianship over a relative. The process started months ago. Relative was in a nursing home, got word of the details, and skedaddled. Such a FUNNY man! Wheeled himself to the nursing home doors at midnight surreptitiously, where his partner in escape was waiting with a car. They beat the system that time. It made me laugh.
He went home to his squalor.

So, like many his age, he was a HORDER. Coming from a time when "You never know what you may need when, and not have the money to buy it".
 LOTS of food. Why then did he only weigh 97 pounds? The food was accessible to his wheelchair. He was "Adored" by his neighbors in his apartment complex. Located near Michigan State University, students would seek him out for help in research, and for companionship. His mind-Brilliant. He did research for Attorneys, Judges and Corporations. Why did none of his neighbors step in? He was bull headed. He had several times come to the attention of Adult Protective Services.

 The first haul of food to a local food bank was about 300 pounds. A couple hundred more was thrown out. While clearing out his apartment one afternoon, two homeless people were digging through the trash I had just pitched, grabbing the underwear and searching for warm clothing. I told them I would begin leaving everything warm I could find behind the dumpster. This is my America?

I showed up on the day he passed away. His eyes lit up...he was delighted to see me. I asked if I could sing for him. I USED to sing...don't much anymore. Anyway, I started singing Christmas Carols to him...he started crying. When I say Crying...I mean the lone tear that sneaked down his cheek. He passed away that night. RIP my new, old friend. 



Dec. 8, 2013
more at: 

Rape , She said no.

This was several months ago...
I was on my way to a party at an Apple Orchard Sunday when I got a call.  She was crying, and I couldn't really understand her. Thank God for caller ID so I knew who it was. She's one of my "shirt tail" kids that have been in and out of my house, dated one of my son's for a while, and remained friendly with all of us, and we all adore her.

"Just Breathe Honey and then blurt it out all at once", I said.

Deep sobbing breath--"I've been raped, I'm at the hospital and I would like for you to come".

So...I was between Shepherd and Alma, about 15 miles away, I turned around and headed for the hospital.

God forgive me, but one of my first thoughts was, "Thank you God it's not one of my bio daughters".
She had been at a party she didn't want to be at with a male friend, met a lot of other people that gave her the creeps. She went to put her purse in the car and lock it as she didn't feel comfortable setting it down anywhere. A 24 year old followed her out and raped her in the car. He apologized afterwards saying he was drunk. He has a 4 year old so initially she thought, well, maybe she wouldn't report it. She knew he had a prior felony because he had talked about it at the bonfire they were at.

She had a friend there, after I was with her for quite a while..she decided she did NOT want to tell her family. I feel bad about it..but part of "MY" letting others free to do what they want and not make them do what I think should be done.

I have had contact with her since....she still hasn't told her family. This is heartbreaking to me, I would feel so sad if one of my kids felt they couldn't tell me something.
Should I ask her if she's gotten counseling? I don't know.

New Year New Attitude

Thank the Universal Mind, God, The Universe whatever for Good Medication. I am in a much better spot. I have been on and off counseling since my last post. I have gotten very regular with my Thyroid Medication. I have bee meditating on a daily basis Using various YOU TUBE videos.
This one has been very helpful in releasing a lot of pain issues.

That's it for now, More later.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


So I have been on the bottom of the barrel emotionally. YEP there, now it's in black and white. Makes it more real.
  I quit going to Al Anon, a support group 3 times a week  I could tweak for my benefit because too many in the group were 13th steppin. (Screwing other group members). While great sex normally does not bother me, this latest fraternization was too much for me. My work schedule also impedes attendance.

All my support systems have big huge holes in them. This is one thing that happens when no medical insurance is the root cause.  My Doctor's office shuttered it's doors with a "don't call us" sign, no way to get medical records etc. Yes, it is illegal to do so but they have been caught up in the System themselves. I used to get free samples for pain/other issues.

I NEED certain medications. SYNTRHOID  for one. I had Graves disease with a tumor  (Overactive thyroid) and was treated with Radioactive Iodine and lost most of my hair decades ago. Because of that, my thyroid shifted into LOW production. Spotty decision making, depression, feeling in a fog, lack of energy are just a few delights. I have been fighting to get consistent "Doctoring" as my mom would have called it.

My kids have insurance, the spouse has it because he's been on Social Security Disability for 2 years. I won't get into what brought us there in this post, but his mental health issues are mine now to deal with every day now also.

ANYWAY, so I finally hit rock bottom and I, the one who TAKES people to "Community Mental Health"...usually Bi Polar youth who have been un-diagnosed, but it's obvious to me they need help. CMH has the budget of zilch, usually hires those who can't make it in private practice, and my experience is that it is better than nothing for the freaks and down and outers, but the chance of getting real help is slim to none. yet...this is my only option.

So..I presented myself, Clean, make up on and all to the main window for "Self Referral". You have to do this "PROCESS"'s a half hour intake to First even SEE if you will qualify  to be seen there. I held it pretty together until I was sitting in the lobby. Their rule is they will get some monkey to see you within 15 minutes. Intake window person informed me she had "emailed" the worker. 45 minutes later, Tears are seeping quietly down my face, intake person notices.  I KNOW I could make a stink, get preferential treatment, get seen, but I just don't have the fucking energy. So, I sat there like an obedient servant just waiting.    That's the thing with depression, is I lose my fight. I just CAN'T TAKE ON ONE MORE THING.

Window person comes to the door, ushers me into a private office, so the other people in waiting room aren't disturbed by my tears. She might have done it so I could cry in private. The thing  is, there is no fear, no shame no remorse, no anything when a person is like I was. I just didn't have it in me to give a shit less.
So, suddenly because I'm crying I get a CRISIS counselor to see me. She informs me that Community Mental Health has No Physicians on staff that can write prescriptions. Questions like "do you feel like  you want to harm yourself or others" that used to be amusing to me are all too real.
My emotions are pretty raw at this point.
I was then told I needed to complete some OTHER assessment that was 2 hours long, that was also 2 weeks away. REALLY? All I need is MEDS. If I am out of pain or it is lessened then maybe my coping skills can kick in. Meditation, breathing, reading, etc. I show a little more "rawness". It is suggested that I have "ANGER ISSUES". Really? What kind of crap is this! So..for my first visit...them ONE me Zero.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Another spiritual abuse

"In order for spiritual abuse to gain a foothold, there has to be a method of developing fear within individuals. There can be no spiritual abuse without fear."
Once, with a Pastor of a "Bible believing, KJV only 1611, Pre-Mellinial"...well you get the picture, I challenged what he "TOLD" me. He then wrote a "rebuttal" full of scripture ordering me to read it...which I did, it really was the beginning of the end for me. I thanked him for it..he says, "WELL???"...I said, It was (somewhat Juvenile in writing) well written. That Just wasn't enough. I continued to say I didn't agree with him. He was beyond affronted. The question was..I said someone had told me (and I was encouraged) that "they were praying EVERY day, that if God were real, "HE" would "reveal himself". This Pulpit slammer was aghast
because "the ONLY FIRST prayer God hears is, "God be merciful to me a sinner", or the prayer of salvation Aka, the sinner's prayer. I said, that I believed that God HEARS all prayers, and was indeed "revealing himself" to my friend. It's been years, and this argument remains raw when I think about it. ONE problem with "these" types of Pastors, is that there is NO room for "GRACE". I'll stop for now. Thanks for the post.
December 27, 2012 5:43 PM
I posted this on   
There are several good spiritual abuse posts on this site. worth exploring.