Wednesday, July 11, 2007

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Divorce sucks, or Sux in today's lingo.
I've got several friends in the midst of it, thinking about it, or trying to avoid it.

Scenario: Gees..this is going to be harder than I thought to keep it somewhat confidential...
Friend is miserable...partner an idiot. Oh--so not creative..that sums up 99% of how someone getting divorced feels. Friend feels partner is putting work in front of Sfamily. Partner has issues, somewhat depressed...workaholic tendency. Both of them are friends of mine. YAH. Sticky. Have tried to intervene...really don't know what my place is.
Can I be biblical and be supportive of change?
Can I be a True and Faithful friend while they seek greener pastures? (so to speak)..
Am I supposed to cut them off, or be a safe place for them to talk?
What would I WANT? What Would I NEED in this situation?

I've 'Been there and done that' as my profile states. Married Young to a Devote "fellow believer" dedicating ourselves and future to God's plan. Yah...that didn't work out well either time I married the same guy. Yes, for those of you seeing it here for the first time...I am one of those...who although I KNEW I was right the first time in getting divorced, let the guy snake back in his wormy way, married and divorced again within a year. Grateful for the learning curve being done quickly--and know I was right the first time. He went on to cheat on his new wifey in much the same way he left me for her.
I was Completely deserted from all my Christian friends. I swore I would never do that to a friend. The Church...the Pastor...the only time I heard from the pastor was months and months later when I started attending a different church and he was concerned about that. He NEVER once called me to see how I was doing--I had moved back in to my mom's after he assured me that God would STILL love me if I were divorced. Wow. What a wacked out way of thinking...
I have no regrets. Made it on my own..actually BETTER on my own.
I'm amazed at how that works.
Scenario: My friend in Midland, says...when his wife split, leaving him to raise his 3 sons, says.."her leaving left as much impact as pulling your finger out of a glass of water". Wow. That's really sad isn't it? For a mom to have such little influence in the running of the household, the boys didn't notice for a few weeks that she had LEFT!! He deserves a medal.
Scenario: My other friend...is is middle of process...wife has moved in and out so many times it isn't even news anymore. He's doing a great job providing stability for his teen daughter in the midst of it all. Works, parents-actively..and is just stuck.

Scenario: There always seems to be one more. I'm tired of it. I bounce ideas around in my head.
I think I am going to have to write about this some more.

I still have too many to write about.

1 comment:

Rick Warren said...

Divorce is such an awful thing but is so prevalent in today’s society. It is the easy way out for many unfortunately. I have friends that have been through this for many reasons ranging from alcoholism, drug-addiction, affairs, different beliefs on how to raise children, spouse is a slob, are all but a few. The question is how do we support friends who are contemplating this or in the midst of this? Do we take sides and form our opinions based on how that one partner feels? Do we stay out of it? I offer these suggestions:

1. Listen to your friend. You are not the expert on their feelings or situation, even if you have been through a divorce. Everyone and every situation is different, so just listen to them, even if it is all night.

2. Provide a place for them to stay. Your friend may need a place to stay for a night, or several weeks until they can think clearly and make a plan.

3. Refrain from talking about their spouse in a negative way, even if they are an idiot. You want to be the person they turn to and if they hear you talking negatively about their spouse, they may not feel that you will understand when their mood changes to sadness or regret.

4. Offer advice only when it is necessary, or when they ask. If you feel they are being unrealistic or are doing something they will regret, make sure you show compassion when deterring them. Don't say, "Are you crazy?" Say, "You may want to rethink this. It may cause you problems down the road."

5. Distance yourself from arguments between your friend and their spouse. It is human nature to want to protect those that we love, but this isn't your fight, you are just a bystander, so bud out.

6. Stay positive for your friend. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but in most cases, that light is not visible to your friend. Don't expect them to see things from your perspective, but reassure them that support will be there as long as it's needed.

7. Most important is keeping discussions on the subject confidential.