Monday, July 10, 2006

Living with pain

Well living with pain as a constant companion is really REALLY starting to take its toll on me.
My right ankle, reconstructed in 1998 after a car crash (ankle foot/ had to be "extracted" from my leg)..a Plate the length of my foot, with about 13 skrews in it.
Ok..Don't get me wrong..I hardly EVER complain of pain. And yes, when I do..idiots say..."well at least you can walk". Yes that is true also. And I also worked damn hard to be able to walk again. Thank you's to Gratiot County Medical Center Rehab team!..However..that has little or nothing to do with the CONSTANT consistant throbbing (insert numerous swear words) PAIN I have been having.
I"m trying to take it in stride. Literally. Except..well..I have problems walking. Oh gads..now I'm gonna start bawling.
Oh maybe because it's only 1:22 am, and I"M STILL AWAKE BECAUSE OF PAIN.
Then sometimes it's not my ankle. Sometimes its my HIp that is out of sorts because one Crushed leg is shorter than the other. My thigh...was "crushed like a smashed bag of Potato Chips" according to Dr. Lilly.
I have Cadaver bones, plates, screws...probably a Screw loose...I'd laugh But I can't because..You got it--PAIN. I literally have some of my hip bone in my ankle bone..thanks to bone chips and grafts.
and Nobody cares.
If you don't live with the constant "static" of pain..you can't begin to relate. Waking up in the morning..those blissful first few moments when a cat or kid is not kicking you in the head...those twilight moments are perfect..then..STAB of pain, I can't walk for an hour after I get up...people are asking me "why are you limping" and I want to rip their heads off. Yes, I DO appreciate when they notice tho. At least it (the pain) has a literal Face (the limp).
Crying doesn't help...it just makes my nose run. (That sounds like a good title for a country western song). Oh great..now on top of PAIN...I Just cried a contact lens out

I get tired of it. I get tired of it I get tired of it..I AM TIRED of it. My back neck and hip are in pain...because of my ankle.
Life is not real fun right now.
Oh Yah. and We are beyond broke.
We have next to no food in the cupboard..(PLEASE Grommlet...give me some CHEEXZE) and pleaxze dont remind me that it is "give us this day our DAILY bread"..it gets VERY old wondering where the next meal is going to come from..only to see dear kids dad be creative with box of potatoes, pancake mix and egg. (or The crappiest cut of meat given to us by someone that has turned into "mystery meat" in the big freezer.)
We are not wasters, we give to those in need..lend to those in need, and are NOT grudging. We dont have new cars, or decent wardrobes. Its getting to the point I"m embarrased to see the front of the house for lack of paint and roof thingys underneath. Even the damn baby bird was falling out of the roofline. I don't like feeling like white trash. I just KNOW the Septic tank is going to over fill, and then we will truely have SHIT on our hands.
Somehow tho...the stupid dog makes me laugh, a LOT, and for a few seconds..I forget about the pain. "Oh wreched man that I am..who can deliver me?"

My dear mudder used to say "they dont' have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of". Well..We have lots of windows. And..one of children has a LOT of pee..but that's another post.

1 comment:

Richtaxman said...

I didn't realize the severity of your pain.