Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Parole/Probation Stories

In inner city Saginaw, I had a very nice gentleman, who was prolific at ...well...."expansion". He had fathered 11 children from just about as many women. At his sentencing in Court, a female Judge ordered him "to father no more children". (actually SAID this in Court although not enforceable)or it would be a violation of his Sentence. He paid child support on exactly NONE of them. All kids were on welfare.
He was put on tether, (the TELLER machine to most inner city-ites, as it would "TELL ON" them when they left their residence)....and had to be moved from one residence to another about every other week. He would move in with one female, Service her for a time, then get in a fight, and have to be moved.
He did pretty well during his tether time. He never did get a job then, and did "Community Service" to "Pay" for tether. Much later, he let me in on the scam at the local Community Center where if an offender paid five bucks to a certain Someone, he would sign their sheet, and they could leave and go do whatever Felons do....

AFTER he got off tether, he got a job at the Local Bob Evans. As Agents, we always had to discuss where we could have lunch..Taco Bell? "No" --had an offender working there, and so on down the list of fast food joints we would go. Many times ended up at a run down hotel that had a great lunch menu.
After tether, the offender is transferred to a Non-tether agents caseload. I ran into my guy...who said things weren't going so good. He was wearing his Bob Evans apron, and I said...HEY YOU GOT A JOB!!!, He said that yes...he did but was having problems. REALLY? what was going on I asked? ..>WELLL...seems that "he couldn't hol' his water no mor'. I said in my oh so not politically correct way..."SAY IT IN ENGLISH WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?". He went on to 'plain that he had been STABBED on the way to report in a couple weeks ago, and since that time ...He couldn't "Hold his water" aka Would PEE himself all the time. He flipped back his apron..and...shor nuff...covered and WET!! He had JUST GOTTEN OFF THE COOKING LINE!! AWCKKK!! I tried to get him some help..and then I forget the rest of what happened to him.

PEEING and Cooking food at The local bob evans!!! AECKKKKK

1 comment:


absolutely funny and disgusting at the same time