In Love and Logic, in which I am a facilitator, a child/family discipline-the main theme is "Putting the burden of the problem back on to the person it belongs to".
I've had problems with this lately. Someone has hurt me, stomped on my friendship, and my heart.
I'll call them "Greeny". We've known each other for years, been really close the last couple of years. This is the person in January I was bitching about who had stabbed me in the back etc. Please keep in mind I'm just trying to VENT right now, tomorrow I may feel Different..but..as a "time capsule" am writing now. I gotta find a way to put this off of my shoulders.
So...I would have done just about anything for this person. I have lied for them, and now they've called me dishonest. I've covered their back, and then they think I'm out to get them. I have never had any thing..but this person's best interest at heart.
I feel like Cathy Bates in the King movie...to my friends...I am loyal..."I"m your deepest fan". Instead..I am the one that gets cobbled.
It's very weird.
I did find out my "deficiencies', as Greeny sees them which have been broiling or simmering for months.
I got sick, very sick. VERY VERY sick. I don't know why Greeny doesn't get how sick I was, and still am. I was released from the hospital. I was STILL SICK--and Greeny wanted me to do something the next day. I couldn't. I asked if they were nuts. Greeny took great offense. I see asking someone "ARE YOU NUTS" as a non answerable question. Greeny took it to heart.
Greeny, had plans which were made that included me, but that they never bothered to SPEAK to me, or tell me or hint at. Greeny had them in their head, never told me, and yet somehow, this is my fault and it becomes my problem. Well I have problems with that.
Greeny decided I was "moving" on. Moving on from What?? From being friends? From being companions? I don't understand that. Greeny can't take the time for me locally, but wants me to travel over 2 hours for lunch.?? Still while I am recovering and NOT back to work yet. Even If I felt well enough...how was I going to get gas money when we didn't have enough food? Bills not being paid, HEAT...in Michigan winter? Hello...I have 3 kids...Babysitter???
I guess it comes down sometimes to convenience--being in "community" sometimes is NOT convenient. My expectation is simply to be treated FAIRLY. I guess that is too much to ask. Maybe sometimes in this community we have to bear 'one another's burdens'...but not unjustly. Right?
How does one "move on" in friendship?
I understand the concept..I get that..but one does not just CUT OFF all contact with a person, without talking about it. Well I guess sometimes "one" does. LOL.
This has happened before, when the nasty ex-pastor took information "culled" from me, and told my good friend--who proceeded to cut me (and the entire church) off. NO Phone calls, no Emails...No discussion, No option. This after camping, sharing meals, movies, secrets, vacations. My current situation just exasperates the former. Its a scab that has been healing, then is ripped open again. My ex moved out the same way. This does not bode well for continued contact. Hmn...maybe that's why I have such a deep sense of fair play. Or NOT fair play. It simply is not Fair...anyway a person looks at it.
So, Greeny feels all better, and I feel like I've been puked on, punched out, and left deserted. I sure am thirsty.
I wish I could get Greenies monkey off my back.