Friday, September 01, 2006

Who's your daddy?

So..Most foster kids at least know who their dad is..wait I take that back. Many know TOO many "daddies" and never their biological Father.

I have never know WHO my dad is. I've had a name on a birth certificate that doesn't mean anything, A "stand in" that is my brothers and sisters dad...it's always been a weird point.

I did the classic "kid" thing too..>Dreamed of what life would be like with a real life dad.

Didn't include the drunken rages, the fighting or the anger.

So..I borrow my Brother's dad..they have been estranged for years..and only have a surface relationship..but at least he knows who his dad is.

Daddy daddy
where did you go
why did you leave me
Here alone so
I want to know you
want to know
daddy daddy
did you love me so?

When he found out my mom was pregnant, ...was he happy? probably not. Probably married to someone else. Or a drunk.

At this point..does it matter?

Obviously..it does..or I wouldn't still be wondering...what it would be like to have a dad.

My Sister Robyn, found a picture of her dad after he had passed, much in the same way I did of my Uncle. It was the best picture EVER of her dad...it captures in film, his Aura, his personality, his vitality..and his Love for her. It is a great picture.

I remember putting "unknown" in some "father" slots as a kid. Then..someone made a big deal about it...it was very embarassing. I was the Odd lot when I was growing up...Divorced child ..Now..My kids are the Odd lots..because they have both parents..how wierd is that.
I guess..if the gift I can give them..is to KNOW their father..that's a pretty damn good gift.

by the way...Not having a father, Not knowing who your father was..not growing up with a father..Really sucks.

1 comment:

ness said...

((hug))

You are a good mom.