Sunday, January 25, 2009

I Live in Michigan

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Michigan . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque.
Our house sits back off the street and looks so nice with the long curving driveway. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. It's long graceful limbs shade my house. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Michigan is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. I see so many sweet little deer every day. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. Michigan must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Michigan . I hope it snows soon so the hunters will stop harassing the little deer. Then the winter beauty I have been waiting to see will be with us. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the most wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of soft white snow. The oak tree is so magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway out again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony with man. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! All it did was paint a fresh coat of beautiful white on this picturesque landscape. The plow did his cute little trick again. Oh just a little extra shoveling. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. Boy the roads were really slippery! They need to use more salt. Dang this driveway is really long. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white shit coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. Fell on my ass twice and my boots are soaked. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the end of the driveway. Asshole plow driver anyway.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. Over paid government workers anyway. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, both cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is on this long ass driveway?? And then the frggin plow will come by...AGAIN!

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? MY ASS!! The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shithead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him don't break it, I'd broken six already this season. HA HA the sonabitch slipped on his ass too.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. Dug out of this overly long ass driveway, why didn't the jack ass who built this house just cut that stupid Oak down and build closer to the street anyway? We went to the store to get some food and two damn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit one of the four legged bastards. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me. Body count that's what I want!

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained all yesterday and today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of that stupid oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. Ruined all the dry wall in the dinning room with the water. I should have cut that old piece of shit into fireplace wood when I had the chance last fall.

Feb. 2 - Ground Hogs day, what a long cold winter! I am gonna kill that insurance agent. Plastic over the hole in the roof and the heats flying out the hole. He said he will get out here as soon as the road get plowed out. Consumers Power sent me a bill for $397.30 for January. Bastards might as well just made it an even $400.00. Started burning that green ass oak to stay warm.

Mar. 16- Damn construction guys tore up the whole muddy ass yard fixing the roof. Looks like a war zone out there. Now those dirty ass deer are in the yard eating the bushes. Michigan needs to get rid of these over sized rodents! Finished cutting down that useless ass oak tree. Now I have to get rid of the stump.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Why does Michigan use so much salt anyway!? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow shit.

May 10 - Sold the rusted junk ass car, the house with the long ass driveway and moved to Florida . I can't imagine why anyone with half a frikkin brain would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Michigan ...

1 comment:

Kathy said...

It is funny how our attitude changes when we are bombarded with the drearyness of winter. Had to laugh at this one. Where do you find these?