Wow. On a different blog the comments are Raging about marriage, the difficulty and the reality.
My one pal, partner is moving in and out , in and out. No boundaries have been set, but mostly the partner is OUT. However this doesn't preclude the return several times a week to babysit the dog, pick up or see child etc. The move out was several months ago, yet the partner...continues to have "free reign" over the house. No boundary issues, so the ones left behind..have no idea when the one that left may pop in..to stay, or pick something up, or anything. I've been trying to explain that LIMBO land is very stressful. The Child, not really "child" but still...did not move out. The stress is huge on them. The one that left..LITERALLY has come into the home to pack boxes, and removed items from the child's hand that they were using to pack away. NOT That its going anyplace but into storage. Frustrating.
I've likened it or thought about it like the Raccoon...sticks its paw in a container to get the shiny object...Closes its fist on the object, and then is STUCK as it won't let go of object EVEN to it's detriment! Its CAUGHT,NaBBED, and can't move forward.....
Boundary issues are so difficult. A former Co worker in Corrections harped on boundary issues with all of her caseload..and I guess some of it stuck on me. Part of friendship, breaking up, Divorce all that becomes boundary issues. Who gets the crock pot is lame compared to who gets the friends.
As Vanessa so wisely put it..STUFF can always be replaced!! There is always MORE cheap STUFF. SO..when STUFF becomes the issue--Box it up, get it out of your space and move one.
I'm relearning this lesson with the "SECRET"-- with various affirmations.
"XYZ flows through me". "What I need Finds me". "What I have that Others Need I am shown". "I am surrounded by loving supportive relationships".
NO STUFF is worth fighting over. Relationships --YES. I try and fight for them. Sometimes tho..the decision is completly removed from you.
Relationships YES..STUFF-- NOT.