You are a BADASS book/audio

 You are responsible for what you say and do, not for how others freak out about it. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-wIOZ617q4&ab_channel=EntreChange

Folly Beach Day 4 2020

 Perfect day at the beach. I worked a few hours in the morning doing Unemployment stuff, dealt with Nursing home stuff, and laid on the beach. Swimming in the ocean is incredible. It is highly underrated. There was a Mexican mom playing with her son. She was the perfect combination of cheering him on, and protecting him. He dropped his pail. She could have bent over and grabbed it before it floated away. He was crying. She encouraged him to step out and grab it. He was scared. He did it anyway. She cheered. I had a mom like that. 

I met a man on the pier Folly Beach

 Robyn and I are both reading and studying. Its interesting how much though we are reading completely different books that the same phrase or idea comes up...Like how the two portions of the brain are separated in the cerebral cortex by the  ## SPECIAL WORD .   CORPUS CALLOSUM 

So, I meditated. I ate a gummy. I relaxed. We had lunch.  We ate at the hotel terrace. The waitress had been there since 4:45 a.m. with no end in sight. I got flank steak tacos. They were really good.  

I went for a walk to the pier by myself while Robyn read. There were two white guys in this one area fishing and a black gentleman. I 'felt' compelled to stop. We spoke of things for quite a while, and I kept my distance. We naturally gravitated closer and closer. He was in the Charleston area doing the Lord's work spreading the gospel. He explained his 18-month program he completed after he got out of San Quentin. I really wanted to ask why but it simply didn't matter. WE were united in Spirit talk. He was living with a friend, not working and trying to do what was right. He asked me why I started talking to him. He was shocked. He said, in Charleston, even couples would walk to the side of the street even as a scrawny black guy as he was. He just couldn't understand it. I tried. I said...what if the white guy saw you as a threat, and he couldn't protect his woman from you. We talked about stuff like that for a while. 

It came clearly to me, that his mother was alive, and that because of her prayers Jerome was where he is today. I told him that. He started tearing up. He said he knew his momma in Oregon prayed for him every day. He is 41 years old. I talked to him (I somehow want to sing Puff the Magic Dragon, and "brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff...we talked of healing wax and other fancy stuff!). I shared how "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". He asked me several times...WHAT does that verse say? WHAT DOES IT SAY??? It spoke to him. 

Positive affirmations. He was blown away with the idea of creating his own world with his thoughts. I 'channeled' the truth, that he would be married and with a baby calling him daddy in three years. Where did this come from? I have no idea. Well that's a lie, I am just starting to believe what Spirit does in me and thru me. Jerome asked me..."Why three years?? I said I didn't know that is just what came out of my mouth and things like that happen to me sometimes. 

Jerome had traveled from California where he's been 20+ years. He said he just couldn't believe that God was taking him back here where he initially was born.  Jerome was sweet, kind, an ex-convict, ex-prisoner, and a seeker. Our spirits met at Soul level, and it was a beautiful thing. 

Folly Beach SC

I arrived at Robyn's from flying on Tuesday evening. We had a mediocre dinner at a fabulous waterfall place. I always feel home when I get here. Lots of anxiety before..but my arrival was smooth. 

We left for the beach Friday morning. Stopped at a rest area so she could do her noon Zoom Soul Group meeting. I refound a cool geocache...literally, an ammo can in the woods. It was soaked inside but I didn't want to take off my sock to dry it. 

Jet the big black poodle was happy to see me. Moe...such a little ole man doggie dog...tottering around to his bed. 

The beach is amazing. Staying right at the Folly Beach TIDES hotel, second floor...its amazing and we are here until next Weds. I'm living my dream. Room 240. Right near the pier. 

Stuart, the gentleman I met last summer while taking Helena to Denver actually happens to be in Charleston. I'm not sure if we will catch up with him or not. 

I'm going to relax, eat cheap and listen to Spirit. Sounds like a pretty good place to start. 

It's weird being a widow. Its weird not having to explain what I am doing, and making decisions that are best for only me. It was like that a lot of the time in the marriage, but I always had to consider Don, he just didn't want to have to work for anything. I get back Saturday in a week, and the next day is Kimberly Charbenau's book signing at the Comic Shop. 

Then I'm supposed to go to Southern Ohio to meet up with the Other Donna from Legends, and a couple other ladies too. 

I've been to Houghton Lake a couple times in the past few weeks. I met this really old Guy at Cops and donuts while waiting for someone else, Daniel Brata. Daniel loves to golf, gets into the holiness of it. We had dinner on the water, lovely spot. Cozy and warm inside. It was a little too brisk to eat outside. He has a nice little place, not on the water but near it, near a church camp. Daniel has a good soul, laughs a lot and is living a full life. He had a friend, a Judge that was somehow got into trouble. He resigned rather than face all the BS of writeups in the paper, investigations and all that. Daniel just believed the bad press. I told him...that the Judge did not owe ANYONE an explanation. He said that this Judge moved to Pensacola and was teaching Law at the Christian School. Daniel called him, and they had a great reunion on the phone, and the former Judge was going to call him today. That's a great thing, both of them were happy. 

I helped my mentor Dr Parmer move a bunch of stuff out of her mom's storage. Two "Africaans" were there, and they were taking a bunch of stuff to Chicago for shipping to Africa. I  gave Alex a tour  of Mt Pleasant. He was so cute, about 80 years old. He was so delighted, he grabbed my hand, kissed it and thanked me for being God's servant. There was quite a discussion as to if he would be allowed to travel alone with me. He has called everyday and wants me to help him do a fund raiser for cement bags for a school he is trying to build in Africa. They are $15 a bag for Cement. 

Jake Smith, Suicide by Cancer

Jake killed himself. He set it up perfectly. He took care of every detail. He took his brother out to eat the night before.
He cuddled up with his mom, my friend Lori. He pet his doggie Brody, had a picture taken with him.
He entered his bedroom and shot himself.
 Jacob J. Andrew Smith

Funeral Service
Friday, Feb 19, 2016
1:00 PM

Jacob J. Andrew Smith
Born: May 06, 1998
Died: February 13, 2016

Send Flowers
Jacob “Jake” J. Andrew Smith, age 17, of Charlotte, formerly of Ithaca passed away Saturday, February 13, 2016. Jake was born May 6, 1998 in Alma the son of Bradley and Lori (Brecht) Smith. He attended Ithaca Schools until 2012 when they moved to Charlotte. While in Ithaca he enjoyed playing basketball and football. Jake was currently a junior at Grand Ledge High School.

Jake enjoyed playing his guitar and video games. He had a passion for supporting his cancer families that were challenged with childhood diagnosis.

Jake is survived by his parents, Bradley and Lori Smith of Charlotte, his brother, Joshua Smith of Charlotte, his maternal grandparents, Jerry and Sharon Brecht of Riverdale, his paternal grandparents, Clayton and Patricia Smith of Dewitt, his aunts and uncles, Jodi (Ross) Jeffrey of Webberville, Gregory (Melisa) Smith of Flushing, Mark (Terri) Brecht of Riverdale, Jeff (Sheri) Brecht of Elwell and many loving cousins.

A celebration of Jacob’s life will be held on Friday, February 19, 2016 at 1 pm at the First Church of God in Alma with Pastor Steve Wimmer officiating. Interment will follow in Sumner Center Cemetery. Visitation will be held on Friday from 12 pm until the time of services at the church.

Memorial contributions may be made to the Pleural Pulmonary Blastoma Research, 111 Michigan Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20010 or at www.ppbgeneticstudy.org.

To view Jake’s obituary online or to leave a condolence for the family please visit www.luxfuenralhomes.com

SERVICES
Funeral Service
Friday, February 19, 2016
1:00 PM

First Church of God
200 W. Superior
Alma, Michigan 48801

The aftermath as in any unexpected death is worse when it is suicide. The "why's"  take over, the How could I have knowns, what could I have done differently will haunt a family until the end of their days.
Jakes funeral brought together a group of people who had at one time been very close through small groups that met weekly. Lori and I bonded over a statement that I drank alcohol in a predominantly Baptist non-drinking environment. 
Even writing this years later (It is 2020 now) I remember you.
I remember how you were in the very same emergency room as my daughter Joy Linn. Both of you had what we thought was pneumonia, but yours was much worse. The cancer had invaded the lining of your lung. The years of treatment took it out of you. Your parents fought for your life.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

• suicidepreventionlifeline.org

High School Suicide

https://www.charlesrlux.com/obituaries/Jordan-Elise-Rae?obId=12227283#/obituaryInfo


I didn't know this young 16 years old who ended her life. By accounts, she had been researching how to suicide for a couple months. She was very popular and beautiful. She was on the competitive cheer team, and many extracurricular activities. Her stepmom passed away and her mom is hospitalized for undisclosed mental health issues. I may not have all the details correct.
What should have been a small event took over. She 'got caught', aka, willingly took the fall for a couple friends and herself with vaping pens. Vaping is a newer electronic way to smoke or use "dab", oil-based marijuana. Reports are that one of the girls involved told the hall monitor (Her sister) about the girls in the bathroom. Her father, a professional immigrant from South Africa was brought to the school. She went home and was in her room when her dad went fully off on her, screaming and yelling how she had "disgraced" the family. He is from a very shame-based society. While he left her room to cook dinner, she went out to the garage and hung herself. Her dad, looking for her, couldn't find her, called several friends to see if she had been picked up. He later found her, cut her down and tried to do CPR.
Her funeral was a huge deal at the Potter's House Church where she attended. The local High School where she attended class, adjusted exams for the entire school, and released kids for the day.
All of this is horribly sad. A life cut down, lost opportunity, a community grieving.

There was more. Immature inappropriate snap chatting occurred resulting in more hurt feelings and drama. There's nothing so horrific that Social Media can't make it worse. These are not really my stories to tell. Families lives ripped apart. Threats, school and police involvement all make it worse.

Suicide.
I've thought of it before.  Decades ago when I was so abused I literally wasn't thinking straight. I remember sitting on the side of my bed when I had come back to my mom's house wondering, "What should I do next?...Wash my hair or eat breakfast". That broken-down where the simplest decisions are too heavy to bear.
I had lost all that was known to me...a "Godly spouse", the perfect high school sweetheart marriage, and the dream of being better than my mom, a thrice divorcee. This lead me to accept situations later on in life that had I not had this background, I could have made better choices for myself.
When a history of abuse is present, the roots go deep.
I feel for this girls family, for her Cheer mates, her classmates, the counselors at her school, her siblings, her church family, her dad, our community.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

• suicidepreventionlifeline.org