Jane Doe no more....

A sexual assault survivor "came out" recently. After my car wreck in which I was incredibly mangled I made it a point to NOT learn the perps name that did this to me. I wanted him , NEEDED him to be faceless...for ME...not for him.I did not want his name burned into my memory for my lifetime... :

Jane Doe No More Incorporated (JDNM) is borne out of hits ladies' experience as a victim of sexual assault. Crime is an unfortunate reality in today's society and I was unprepared for what lay ahead after the attack as, I believe, is the case with most victims. I was mistreated by the very system put in place to "protect and serve" the innocent. On top of the pain and suffering associated with the crime, the abuse afterward rendered the healing process all the more difficult. The name and the anonymity are meant to protect, as a sort of verbal shield. But sometimes it's necessary to put down a shield to fight a battle. At least, that was the case for one woman we met. She was a woman ready to reclaim her identity. To be Jane Doe No More. A woman named Donna Palomba http://www.janedoenomore.org/ a GREAT read.

I wonder...as I sometimes do...relating these types of things to my own spirituality.

PLATE STEALER NO MORE. No longer will I tuck plates from restruants as memories in my purse...or will I.
God Ignoror...no more...hopefully LEARN that still small voice is for ME and To LISTEN UP RIGHT NOW!!!
MOM SCREAMER NO MORE. Oh man..that would be so much more peaceful.
Kid SHUT UPPER no more.
Embittered former worker NO MORE. Reluctant waiter on God's working NO MORE.BAD photo taker NO MORE. Lusting for Physical TOuch...no more. Well...that one is still there. I crave touch.

Death and Reunion's

So a "shirt tail" relative died last week. My sister decided to fly in from Seattle, with a lot of help from her dad who paid for the ticket. I had a NASTY night sleep Friday night, Didn't get to sleep until 4. Then Get a call from sister she is flying into Detroit at FIVE a.m., was "planning on taking the bus, then a taxi"..yah yah right.
SO..Debate for me was..do I sleep until 2, get up and drive to airport..or leave at 10:30, and snooze once I got there? I left at 10:45...drive down to Detroit. Got lost, twice. Car overheated 3x. IN NASTY neighborhoods.
Finally Got her, no thanks to NOT KNOWING the airlines she was coming in on.

No sleep all week. My brother who has not been in Michigan in over 27 years came. it was Great seeing him. In the middle of all this was funeral.

Virginia Tech Tribute

D.C. and Tae quon Do

What a day. Woke up of course with BAD hair..this cut gives me nothing but trouble until it is sprayed down.
Was talking IM with a buddy who actually Said EEEEKKKK when viewing my hair. That's bad.
Started with a crying jag for some reason..COULD not stop. Cried my contact lens out. Had an extra kid here...tryin got get ready for a bake sale fund raiser for Golumbisky's tae quon do.
My Girlfriend Shelly came over yesterday and we baked and baked...She called Hub "honey" ...Made his day..don't tell Lori!!We made: carrot cake, choc muffins, Corn muffins, vanilla muffins, choc dipped pretzels, choc dipped almond cookies, STIFF jello..whatever its called, bags of carrots, bags of licorice, boiled eggs, chock chip cookies, no bakes and I know I'm missing something. The sale..was abysmal. I also took like 60 waters to sell.
Continued crying jag...got some prescriptions as I was OUT and leaving tomorrow for DC. I so don't feel like going.
I DID find my ID tho..thank you God for Clear direction in that I SHOULD go.
Went out to a local eatery tonight and a radio station was there, and somehow I ended up doing a "Treasure Hunt" with in the place for various items you were to get from other customers. When asked my name ...I stated LOUDLY and PROUDLY.."LORI SMITH FROM ITHACA"....LOL. If you want to know what items..it started out innocently..a comb, a watch, a sandal....then..got sort of beyond.
I saw I guy I thought may be a friend's Son..that is Dave..I haven't met him yet..and asked was this person he..(hub said he looks exactly like the other brothers)..so He wasn't my friend's son, but KNEW them all..and we had a very nice discussion. He was involved in bible work as is my friends son Josh, and so I was able to catch him up a little. He used to be a professional in line skater..but got really messed up ..broke his wrist, young on the circuit and Drugs and alcohol became huge problems..he just got out of rehab and I was able to talk to him quite a bit.He had been engaged to a "Nice Christian virgin" girl...who knew NOTHING of his addcitions to cocaine, herion, and OXY. He ended breaking it off...and I'm sooo Happy for the girl. He said she probably doesn't know yet..but it was a lesson for me...that the worst things we may think of..a broken engagement are saving us from untold heartbreak.
I"m leaving tomorrow for D.C. With the Children's Defense Fund. I don't feel at all prepared...but if I don't go...it would just be worse...I'm frustrated. Good Networking tho..I will just have to make it work for me.

I feel Paralyzed

I'm so sick as I write this I'm surprzed I can write. My GUT MY GUT MY GUT IS ON FIRE...sung to the Tune of "The roof is on fire". I didn't know about ICE CREAM.
I think I should go to ER. I can't breathe...I took some antacids...Its not working..I can't burp enough....the PAIN IS SO BAD.
Stress on Stress i'm sure...
Dear god please give me a break.

My "JASPER" findings

I"m a MENTOR, Empowering, Expressive, Communication, and independent


JASPER - The Job Asset and Strengths Profiler

Donna, your answers indicate that you are aMentor when it comes to your overall work personality. Your JASPER type is a combination of your most prominent work traits and a good indicator of what you're like at work.

"It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference."
-Tom Brokaw


JASPER THIS IS ME (or so they say)
April 2007

mentor

unique strengths

empoweringempowering

expressiveexpressive

communication skillscommunication

independentindependent

What you want out of work:
To foster your own growth and instill inspiration and drive in those around you.

Your colleagues think of you as:
Instructive, encouraging, and patient.

What you have to offer:
A talent and desire to be a positive guiding force and an ability to use your skills to teach others.

leadership styleempowering
Empowering. Your leadership style can be characterized as Empowering. You are encouraging and motivating, which likely means that you help others reach their goals and dreams. People probably see you as a good mentor due to your patience and talent for giving direction.
empowering
work personalityexpressive
Expressive.You are more Expressive than Introspective when it comes to your work personality. You have an energetic aura about you and are quite gregarious and outgoing. At work, you draw energy and motivation from social interactions and relationships with others.

Univeral Skillsverbal skills
Communication skills. You likely are an articulate person, and you probably have received positive feedback on your writing ability or your skill speaking to groups. Even if you don't regularly use this skill, you nevertheless have confidence in your communication abilities.

Independent. You show strength in your ability to be an Independent worker. While you no doubt can be quite effective working on a team, you feel much more productive when you have the freedom to do things on your own. You simply enjoy the autonomy that independent work entails.
independent

It's Snowing

So here it is Spring break and it is snowing. The robin's are pissed off. They keep flying into the barn and hanging out.
I want to torch the 'burn pile' but there are so many animals hanging out in there, they'd be homeless.
I don't know what we'll do when we get our five chickens.

I know this is a crappy post, but I'm trying to just get started again.
the demons that have been chasing Me I am ignoring, and trying to trust.

Exciting....

I love it when the world you are living in..the everyday crap of life suddenly SHIFTS..and you find yourself moving your feet to catch up.
I got a CALL today about the THING...its exciting, and nervewracking, and ...full of promise and as my friend says..'Hope'.

Webkinz

...From their website: Webkinz pets are lovable plush pets that each come with a unique Secret Code. With it, you enter Webkinz World where you care for your virtual pet, answer trivia, earn KinzCash, and play the best kids games on the net!

We Got Joy one a couple weeks ago. What was life like BEFORE Webkinz??
It is wild. Joy feeds her "pinky" pony, exercise her (bought her a treadmill), and talks and plays.
She loved it SOO much..Helena HAD to get one. They can communicate through premade phrases, send each other email etc.
THEN: a girl at school got one.
I'm amazed.
Part of me is (the ex fundy part I think) like..WHOA...what a perfect set up for future gamblers--kids earn $$ that they then can spend on their pet. Play Games, earn money, buy stuff. WOW..sounds like a blast.

Middle names?

I wonder if Jesus uses your middle name when He's fed up with you, like your parents did.


Donna LEA Husted...

Or as hub says when he's funny...DWONA LEEE

Purple??

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Being Vulnerable with Jesus

Idon't know anything about Jill Austin..if shes' a freak a frak or what..But my former pastor used to say that "All truth is God's truth"..and I found a lot of truth in this reading.
D.




Jill Austin: "BEING VULNERABLE WITH JESUS--LET HIM TAKE YOUR HEART DEEPER"

"Lord, we ask You to take down the walls of self-protection."

We have learned how to build our walls, even in the House of the Lord, but we cry out for a vulnerability to allow the Lord to show us our own brokenness and humanity so we can see how big God is in the midst of it.

He doesn't want us to assume that we should build a ministry and then God will come and fill it. We need to build our lives around the anointing that is in the depths of who we are. We need more of His presence. I pray that the Lord will show you if you have tried yourselves to carry His glory in your ministry, in your home meetings, or in your family.

Ears and Eyes Opened and Cleansed

We also need to cry out for our ears to be opened to hear what the Spirit is saying and pray that God will give us fresh revelation. We need to ask the Lord to take away spiritual deafness where we've assumed and have taken blueprint plans of man without going to God for fresh fire and unction.

We need to ask God for a cleansing where our ears have heard profanity, gossip, and slander. We must cry out that God will start to convict us of things that we hear that are illegal in the Spirit. We have even heard different people being assassinated in our midst. May God forgive us for listening and doing nothing or chiming in on the verbal assaults of other people.

We need to watch our eyes (eye gate), which are a window to the soul. God has called us to be a prophetic people who hear and speak the Lord's heart, to be seers who see in the Spirit, and to be prophetic intercessors and watchmen. What we have seen, has placed "scales" of rebellion and independence over our eyes so many see with a dim vision. We must repent for seeing movies that are filled with violence, murder, and sexual perversion. We need to repent of every single thing that would cloud our ability to see with clarity and purity.

We also are to deal with our mouths, and ask God to make us fiery preachers with a prophetic unction in our homes, at work, and in our neighborhoods. Let's ask the Lord to put a coal of fire on our mouths and to cleanse our mouths where we have "killed" people and ministries instead of bringing life and encouragement through our words.

We must also give Jesus our hands. Let His fire start to fall on our hands for an anointing of healing and miracles and deliverance. Let there be a purifying fire, so as we stand as Levites before the Lord, may there be a cleansing fire of His presence.

The Lord Says...

"Let Me purify your heart; let Me touch you by My Son.
Let me make you clean, so you're a vessel that My glory can flow through.
Submit to My fire, and I will cause you to walk in purity.
Receive My fire; let it burn you clean.
Let Me restore the innocence of your childhood to you.
Let My fire come; let it burn you clean,
So that you may be the vessel of honor to Me."

I feel that the Lord wants those of you who feel you've been in the "killing fields" of the church, your family, or work to come to Jesus with your deep pain and betrayals. It's like seeing heavy boots coming against you, and I feel there has been a type of spiritual abuse that has come against many of you to keep you from moving into the prophetic and who you are in God.

God says that He has given you birthright, and He has called you.

A Powerful Prayer to Break Off Chains

"I break the lies that have come against you. I break the fear of man off of you. I break even the words of others questioning whether or not you hear God."

For the women, "I break the fear of man off of your heads and the words from those who say you can't move in the anointing as a woman of God." Some of you have felt like you have had spears in your heart, "I break the power of those word curses against you right now."

"I also break the lid off of the heads of people who are moving at half your potential, and functioning at only 30% or 40%. I break the lies of the enemy off of your heads that would cause you to operate at your bare minimum!"

Some of you need to forgive people because it is your unforgiveness that is holding you back from flying like eagles. I'm asking the Lord to start to show each of you if there are people you need to forgive and let go of. And I ask that He shows you where there is unfinished business in your life. We must forgive at the foot of the Cross.

As you forgive and release others, I pray that the Lord takes you deeper.

Jill Austin
Master Potter Ministries
http://www.masterpotter.com

How Angry can a person get....

Before their head explodes.
I'm beyond angry. I'm so angry I feel stupid. Crying doesn't help it just gives me a headache.

Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin ..Dylan

I am the one stalled. I'm the one that is getting battled on. and it 'ain't pretty.
Literally, every moment for a while I feel like I've had to remind myself to "Breathe, Breathe, Breathe".

ARKANSAS

Hub and I arrived amid th worst ice storm in Michign. When we landed one of the FIRST differences I noticed was ..well I had a vistage memory of it. I will try and explain...UP in sky ...WAY up...above the clouds...was this golden ORB....eschewing LIGHT..down here they call it the SUN. WOW. Really bright!!
So then we came here, Sara and roommmate Daisy was here to watch the urchins, and we went to a barbeque place called Penquin Als. I guess he just like penquins, I dont think he barbeques them.
We had GREAT Fried pickles, another in our world wide search. These were beer battered "PICKLE CHIPS". Yah. Really good.
the ribs were the best , Brisket good, Ness loved the Coleslaw, yum yum.
but the best thing of all...was of course...the company.
I like Arkansas.

Are you your birthday?

Well, I'm not an Island, I don't despise authority, but I do tend to "see" things.

Your Birthdate: September 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy. And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you. Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights. You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice! Your strength: Your self sufficiency Your weakness: You despise authority Your power color: Maroon Your power symbol: Hammer Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Lunch time gossip

Well..that was some post.
So now on to something else.
Gossip.
I know, I'm not supposed to listen or spread it. I try VERY hard not to spread it. But..if you don't know the person's involved..isn't it more like a story?
I had a fun lunch today. Listened to lots of "stories". Laughed my head off, forgot the world, and just enjoyed myself. No alcohol involved. Chinese food, hot tea, and sugar biscuits.
Hard to beat that combination.
Oh yah...and I didn't pay.

Bearing someone else's burden

In Love and Logic, in which I am a facilitator, a child/family discipline-the main theme is "Putting the burden of the problem back on to the person it belongs to".
I've had problems with this lately. Someone has hurt me, stomped on my friendship, and my heart.
I'll call them "Greeny". We've known each other for years, been really close the last couple of years. This is the person in January I was bitching about who had stabbed me in the back etc. Please keep in mind I'm just trying to VENT right now, tomorrow I may feel Different..but..as a "time capsule" am writing now. I gotta find a way to put this off of my shoulders.
So...I would have done just about anything for this person. I have lied for them, and now they've called me dishonest. I've covered their back, and then they think I'm out to get them. I have never had any thing..but this person's best interest at heart.
I feel like Cathy Bates in the King movie...to my friends...I am loyal..."I"m your deepest fan". Instead..I am the one that gets cobbled.

It's very weird.
I did find out my "deficiencies', as Greeny sees them which have been broiling or simmering for months.
I got sick, very sick. VERY VERY sick. I don't know why Greeny doesn't get how sick I was, and still am. I was released from the hospital. I was STILL SICK--and Greeny wanted me to do something the next day. I couldn't. I asked if they were nuts. Greeny took great offense. I see asking someone "ARE YOU NUTS" as a non answerable question. Greeny took it to heart.

Greeny, had plans which were made that included me, but that they never bothered to SPEAK to me, or tell me or hint at. Greeny had them in their head, never told me, and yet somehow, this is my fault and it becomes my problem. Well I have problems with that.

Greeny decided I was "moving" on. Moving on from What?? From being friends? From being companions? I don't understand that. Greeny can't take the time for me locally, but wants me to travel over 2 hours for lunch.?? Still while I am recovering and NOT back to work yet. Even If I felt well enough...how was I going to get gas money when we didn't have enough food? Bills not being paid, HEAT...in Michigan winter? Hello...I have 3 kids...Babysitter???
I guess it comes down sometimes to convenience--being in "community" sometimes is NOT convenient. My expectation is simply to be treated FAIRLY. I guess that is too much to ask. Maybe sometimes in this community we have to bear 'one another's burdens'...but not unjustly. Right?

How does one "move on" in friendship?
I understand the concept..I get that..but one does not just CUT OFF all contact with a person, without talking about it. Well I guess sometimes "one" does. LOL.
This has happened before, when the nasty ex-pastor took information "culled" from me, and told my good friend--who proceeded to cut me (and the entire church) off. NO Phone calls, no Emails...No discussion, No option. This after camping, sharing meals, movies, secrets, vacations. My current situation just exasperates the former. Its a scab that has been healing, then is ripped open again. My ex moved out the same way. This does not bode well for continued contact. Hmn...maybe that's why I have such a deep sense of fair play. Or NOT fair play. It simply is not Fair...anyway a person looks at it.
So, Greeny feels all better, and I feel like I've been puked on, punched out, and left deserted. I sure am thirsty.
I wish I could get Greenies monkey off my back.

Talking to God.

igod although meant to be funny, I was touched. Maybe because I"m out of my meds. I still thought it was cool.

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Now you CAN talk to God.

Old Friends

While in Bible College, one of the Associate Pastors stated over and over again, 'don't ever give away a book or a gun'. OR loan them. well I've broken both rules, except for the guns. I've loaned and lost MANY books, but I see it as a part of my mission. If I buy "Co-dependent no more" one more time......!!!!
I was inspired by my blogger friend who has ALL the Perry Mason books except one. Should she search for and buy the LAST one?
For me, I was able to keep my sanity much longer than I should have (HA) by reading Westerns in Oklahoma City. Somehow, Zane Grey, and Louis L'Amour. Louis taught me that if you are entering a dark area, from the light, (in his books it was walking away from the campfire into the woods),,,, to close your eyes, and and wait a second or two. Then When you open your eyes, they will be adjusted to the darkness and you can see immediately. There was Max Brand too, but I only read him in a pinch.
I also learned that the Hero's in L'Amour's books know how to treat "their women". Except it is singular. Woman. One. One that has their heart, One that they seek. One. It helped me realize that the preacher boy I was married to was snarky, slimy and a cheater.
It helped give me strength to realize God doesn't require me to stay married to someone who does not have my heart. When Someone "counsels" many other women, it is NOT an act of love toward their wife.
Louis L'Amour called him all kinds of names, Snakes, Grass Eaters, Poisonous Side winder,
Villian, False friend or Pebble eater.
Yep. I like that. And so thankful that God saw through my wilderness, and brought me through to a "lively" western town, where "people are good, and share meals with strangers."

Tilmann enjoyed computers, sailing - News

Tilmann enjoyed computers, sailing - News